Her Royal Highness

Wah-wah (horn blowing failure)

2012-01-22T17:43:00.000-07:00

She had but one goal: to learn the name of a male in the congregation. The males were few in number and after six weeks, not one had emerged to proclaimed himself as one to possess an identity. In the after feast, she and her wing-woman sat at an empty table, inviting fate to give her what she wanted. Then they came. Tyler and Blake. Talkative, friendly, interested. And respectively 3 and 6.

Things That I Love That I'm Thinking About

2012-01-20T21:39:00.004-07:00

In the tradition of Mindy Kaling and Things That I Bought That I Love, I want to write about Things That I Love That I'm Thinking About.

1. There is much incorrect grammar in the world. One concern of late are less versus fewer. I hear things like this: "There were less people there than before." It's atrocious. My ears are metaphorically bleeding. Fewer is used when you can count the thing, as in "I have few friends with incorrect grammar" or "There were fewer than 8 people at the party." Less is used when you can't count the things or it doesn't have a plural form, as in "Use less flour next time" or "It's just less of a hassle." Also let's make sure that "is" and "are" match up with the nouns. It's so embarrassing to come to the end of the sentence only to realize you said the wrong verb. For example "There is fifty people in the room." Eek. As an aside, I'm currently pondering on the word "friends" as a predicate adjective ("we are friends"). And I'm still confused on that versus which. But this I know: you've got to know how to use whom and the oxford comma is not dead.

2. I enjoy the writing of Orson Scott Card. So much I do. Why it took me so long to delve into his writing I can indeed say. I didn't have faith that he could continue to write well and come up with interesting plots, especially considering the sci-fi factor. Yet he has done this thing. He weaves a wonderful, complex, thought-provoking, human story. Also, his books make me feel smart - like I'm learning something. Also, he uses biblical references in clever ways and I feel like I'm in on some secret club because I get the reference.

3. I recommend the movie Midnight in Paris. Beautiful filming, fantastic script, unique story line.

4. It's important to develop intellectually. We have the benefit of thousands of years of human history, exploration, experience, and discovery. Some topics aren't enriching; "boys and their idiocy" for example. I feel like that's x hours of my life I'll never get back. I've enjoyed meeting up with some old friends I rarely see and talking about what they are reading and thinking and feeling and I'm enriched after the chat because I've been able to steal a bit of their wisdom and add it to my own. We have so much to learn and so much possible growth that there is no reason to employ are intellect in less-than-worthy subjects.

5. At the same time, I'm so tired after work that it's all I can do to read the scriptures and gain an ounce of some original, Spirit-inspired thought. I'm not sure what to do about the problem of human weakness. If there was some way to tap into our potential without the restrictions of our own limits then we'd truly amount to something. For the time being I suppose we do what we can with what we have and rely on the promise that "we are laying of a foundation of great work. And out of small things proceedeth that which is great."

6. I don't think I'll ever be able to spell ridiculous the first time around. Oh wait, I just did. Miracle of miracles. Oh well, I still have the frequent misspellings of develop, commitment, and disappoint.

7. I love three musicians. Dashboard Confessional, Ingrid Michaelson, and Adele. There must be something subconscious that resonates because I cannot articulate why listening to these three feels so right.

8. There is more to be gained by believing in the goodness of people than in skepticism. If anything, assuming nobility of intent is the more pleasant thought, especially when we are limited to how much we can make others bend to our will. Of course we'll sometimes be disappointed, but that will, I believe, be the exception and not the rule.

To come full circle, I would recommend a perusal of Mindy Kaling's website and her new book, although this book might go against #4. No one can follow all their covinctions all the time.

It's a Beautiful Day

2012-01-01T11:35:00.004-07:00

I accomplished a grand total of none of my New Year's Resolutions from last year.

And moving on...

SOME THINGS I'D REALLY LIKE TO DO THIS YEAR IF POSSIBLE

AKA 12 Goals for 2012

1. Whatever calling I get ('cause I just moved to a new house!), to really get into it, make time for it, and do it wholeheartedly -- kind of a with-all-your-heart-might-mind-and-strength objectives.

2. Hang out with my sister Marlisa more.

3. Do Saturday house projects for a while, like, until the house doesn't need it.

4. Work on family history - transcribing, temple worker.

5. Blog more often. Well-written/edited/coherent. And blog more about my beliefs. And probably print my blog in a book like I've been meaning to.

6. Learn how to do trauma work, which makes more sense if you're a therapist; so, all my therapist friends understand this item.

7. Be present with people.

8. Serve more often and it varied ways, like I really want to sign up to be a bone marrow donor and I just haven't gotten around to it.

9. Eat cookies (my insurance policy against not following through on anything like I didn't follow through last year).

10. Listen better (with more empathy) and make people beg for advice from me.

11. Learn to work my camera.

12. Be smarter. Just in general. Like, know more stuff.

Honorable mentions (stuff I might do, but the commitment isn't completely there)

1. Go abroad.

2. See Adele in concert - if she can do concerts.

3. Scrapbook, which means printing out photos into a book. I don't know; is this out of vogue? Can't history just look at my facebook page or my blog?

Here's hoping!

Outfit Repeat

2011-12-30T19:11:00.003-07:00

I read people.com. Everyday. I like to look at what the stars are doing, what they're wearing, and often take satisfaction in the stability of my life in comparison. One section I enjoy is called I Really Love My... where people.com shows stars wearing the same outfit in three different settings. I don't know if the intent is to ridicule celebrities who dare to outfit repeat -wear the same thing more than once, even *gasp* thrice - but it comes off that way. If I pay $500 for a purse then I think I'm morally required to wear it (because, in case you didn't know, you don't carry a purse but you wear a purse) daily. For the rest of my life. And how dare I buy another purse! Alas, the celebrities have these absurd standards given them by people.com and perhaps by the reading public. One story in particular that I've actually enjoyed is about Kate Middleton. Kate will be in the public eye all her life and her wardrobe is of particular interest. She's created quite a stir in repeating outfits and I say, "Bravo!" It is a good example she is setting - anti-materialism - for all of us. (Granted she's only worn outfits twice; I tend to wear my outfits much more than that.) I like to see someone who could well have a new designer outfit daily (it's rumored that she has a $325,000 yearly stipend) that she chooses to be somewhat normal and wear clothes she likes more than once.

Thanksgiving

2011-11-27T18:49:00.005-07:00

My family party began with a 5K Turkey Trot! Some friends joined us too. After we cooked yummy food and hung out with the awesome fam including Gram. Lots to be thankful for and here are some photos of those things/people.

Halloween

2011-11-27T18:42:00.003-07:00

Angry birds

Kathryn the Great, me, The Blur, and Miss J

Curling

2011-11-27T18:40:00.003-07:00

For not many dollars you can have a curling lesson and play for a couple hours.

Priorities

2011-10-18T21:48:00.004-06:00

Things which matter most must never be at the mercy of things that matter least."

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

A priority is something that comes prior to other things. In my life I have so many options, interests, and pulls for my time. I cannot possible do everything I want to do. Says Anne Morrow Lindbergh, "My life cannot implement in action the demands of all the people [and I would add activities] to whom my heart responds." Sometimes I feel that I have such limited time and all must be done now but that's just not sustainable. It's a race that I can't possibly finish.

Miss J taught me about racing. She said that world class marathoners don't train at optimum - they train for endurance. If, say, I can easily run a (for the sake of the math) 10-minute mile, when I do a long run I'll run at my 10-minutes + 30%, so I'll run a slow, 13-minute mile. This increases endurance. I think life is not a sprint but an endurance race. We might have to actually slow down, more than is comfortable, in order to get through the long haul.

Since I can't keep up the pace I'd like and do all that I'd be thrilled to do, I have to close doors on some thing and make sure to keep others. It's an incredibly difficult decision and one I've been studying about the past few days. I haven't got it totally figured out but this talk and the following quote from Elder Dallin H Oaks have helped.

The ultimate Latter-day Saint priorities are twofold: First, we seek to understand our relationship to God the Eternal Father and His Son, Jesus Christ, and to secure that relationship by obtaining their saving ordinances and by keeping our personal covenants. Second, we seek to understand our relationship to our family members and to secure those relationships by the ordinances of the temple and by keeping the covenants we make in that holy place. These relationships, secured in the way I have explained, provide eternal blessings available in no other way. No combination of science, success, property, pride, prominence, or power can provide these eternal blessings!

North Carolina

2011-10-13T18:03:00.013-06:00

After visiting Maine it was just a quick flight to visit Camilla in North Carolina where she is doing her PhD. We met up with friends --Bradley and Shalayne -- and met some new ones --Kristi and Emily. We went to Duke (a couple times), the Berkeley Plantation, and Colonial Williamsburg. I enjoyed my time with my wonderful and loving friends so much. I'm so blessed.

Maine

2011-10-13T16:51:00.006-06:00

I went to Maine with my coworkers, Jon and Ais, for a DBT conference. The conference was great and in the evenings we got to sight see -- and eat! Maine is gorgeous, idyllic, quaint. I could see myself there.

Mads Peder Rasmussen

2011-09-18T11:47:00.004-06:00

I've been getting more and more into my family history, trying to verify information that I've gotten. Today I was looking up some records and found a PHOTO of my paternal great-great grandfather, Mads Peder Rasmussen (1836-1887). Here he is.

Poetry

2011-07-15T22:24:00.002-06:00

The Blur (who studies this sort of thing) says that the feeling of belonging in families comes from folklore of the family, the stories we share. In my family, if you are going away for a while we always say, "I'll miss you most of all, Scarecrow." When eating onion, my childhood "surprise over onion rings containing actual onions" must be recited for the general benefit. Or we might discuss my married-with-five-children brother's teenage make-out session with the fabled Tracy Ramirez, who was seen just once and never heard of again. Did they make out? That wasn't an important part of the story -- the truck, leaving the family reunion, and Eric Murdock were the pivotal points. But you get the idea behind the idea of stories.

In my family, my grandma little sayings and rhymes -- as well as her abnormal supply of Werthers, Tic-Tacs, and Dove chocolates -- are iconic and part of our family folklore. Before I knew it was a song I knew:

I love you/ a bushel and a peck/ a bushel and a peck/ a bushel and a peck/ and a hug around your neck/ a hug around your neck and a barrel and a heap/ a barrel and a heap and I'm talkin' in my sleep about you

She'll break out poems and sayings given any appropriate moment. I remember running through rain, reciting "I'm not sugar or sweet or nobody's honey, so I won't melt."

It was my birthday a couple days ago (Happy Birthday to me). Gram called me three times in the morning and once in the evening to wish me a happy birthday, because she couldn't remember she'd called. But get her going on her poems and she's got it all going on. For instance, a couple months ago, at my great-uncle's funeral, she popped out these two diddies, which I quickly wrote down.

From the time you're born

Till you ride the hearse

Nothing's so bad

That couldn't be worse

In my little garden bed

Raked so nicely over

First the tiny seeds I sow

Then with soft earth cover

Shining down, the great round sun

Smiles upon it often

Little raindrops, pattering down

Help the seeds to soften

Then the little plant awakes!

Down the roots go creeping

Up it lifts its little head

Through the brown earth peeping

Higher, higher still it grows

Through the summer hours

Till some happy day the buds

Open into flowers

Family members, what are you favorites from Gram?

Don't you feel closer, now?

Star Struck No More

2011-06-18T11:01:00.005-06:00

After being all too star-stuck, I finally got the photos (with my niece Lou) I'd been long dying for. After a game I had the chance to meet some of the Real players and, in this instance, I dared to talk to them. Note: this was after the game where Javier Morales busted his ankle -- eek.

Will Johnson

Kyle Beckerman

Nat Borchers

Chris Wingert

Blind Spot

2011-06-17T07:26:00.003-06:00

When you are running, and even if it's 630 in the am and you haven't seen anyone for a while, always check your blind spot before you spit. Otherwise, a runner will come out of nowhere, determined to pass you by running in your spit spot. Lucky for you, you will be able to catch your spit in your hand.

Helpful Advice

2011-06-12T20:27:00.003-06:00

I was perusing a not-to-be-named magazine when I happened upon an interested article explaining various physiological phenomena and what to do about them. I knew I must pass on this helpful advice.

If you get an ice cream headache, you should "slow down when you eat." For chattering teeth, "Get warm! Remove yourself from the cold, add clothing layers (including a hat and gloves) or wrap yourself in a blanket." What about when your stomach growls? "Eat at the first sign of hunger." Head rush when I stand up? "If such dizziness occurs frequently, stand up more slowly." I thought this was all pretty great advice but I had to disagree with the next bit of advice. For itches, the magazine recommended you "simply ignore the feeling to see if it goes away. The more you dwell on an itch, the more bothersome it is likely to be." If I had written this article, I'd had recommended just scratching the itch.

I hope that you have, as I have, received enlightenment about these daily predicaments which have, not doubt, been mysteries.

High School

2011-05-14T23:09:00.002-06:00

My 10 year high school reunion is coming up this summer. I gotta say I went to high school with some pretty awesome folks.

Some friends are doing PhDs at places like York University, UNC Chapel Hill, and Duke, to name a few.

I went to high school (and elementary school and junior high) with Susie Brown of the JaneDear Girls.

I hung out with Kiersten White, now a best selling author.

I have a classmate in the FBI, but can't say who on this blog.

Nicole takes care of her son, who has down syndrome, while dealing with her own MS. She is a great mom.

You may remember Sam Burgess, a big-time college basketball player -- yep, I have the elementary school photos to prove it... somewhere.

One former Morp date just got a part as a dancer in Broadway's Rent. Yeah, in New York.

And this is just what I came up with off the top of my head. I'm sure I'll have more stories post-August. I ran with a ueber-talented bunch. That's prolly why I'm so amazing. *Sigh*

Ingrid

2011-04-18T21:14:00.004-06:00

I've recently been listening to a lot of Ingrid Michaelson, as you might be able to tell from my playlist. Her songs are simple with powerful and interesting messages. I do love myself some cheesy pop (Selena, JB, Taio Cruz, etc.) but as I've turned a little more reflective as of late Ingrid has really bolstered and enriched my life. Below are a few of my favorites (especially love the Chain), but I couldn't find my all time favorite so I'm posting the link a youtube video of Are We There Yet.

Tooth Fairies

2011-04-16T23:19:00.003-06:00

For our church talent show Miss J and I did a Kristin Wiig and Melinda Hill skit called Confessions of a Tooth Fairy. Check it out. And thanks to Geoff for recording it. (Don't forget to turn off the music at the bottom of the blog first.)

For Real

2011-04-01T20:09:00.002-06:00

I was at the SLC airport returning from a business trip to San Deigo, when I saw Kyle Beckerman and Robbie Russell, of Real Salt Lake, entering into the baggage claim. As a huge fan I was stoked. As we waited for our thing other players appeared. I kept a running tally to my mom, "It's Beltran!" "Saborio!" "Espindola!"

We went outside to wait for our shuttle and who should be catching the same shuttle? The team! I was the last to board and there were no seats left. Up pops Betran, who offers his seat. Another player jokes, "That Tony Beltran is such a gentleman!" I plopped down next to Will Johnson. Will. Johnson.

I was dying. Dying. My face was red, I'm sure. My mom and the two ladies also on the shuttle were not so impressed. My mom explained the team to one of them. I shushed her. My stomach was in knots.

In reflection I should have said something and gotten a proper photo. I am determined to do that the next time I see someone famous. I will gather my courage and interact. They're probably nice.

You, dear reader, get my stalker photos of the even.

Books I Didn't LIke

2011-03-21T21:37:00.004-06:00

AKA Books that were "lost" on me

The Scarlet Letter (Hawthorne)- Pearl is too creepy.

Huckleberry Finn (Twaine) - I can't read that accent without sounding it out. I feel like an idiot.

Twilight (Meye)- Duh. Poorly written, unlikable characters.

House of Mirth (Wharton)- no mirth whatsoever.

Two Cups of Tea (Mortensen)- couldn't make it past the rock climbing part. Maybe I'll try it again later.

Reviving Ophelia (Pipher)- disagreed with it.

Mrs. Dalloway (Wollfe) - my mind can't follow her train of thought.

The House of Mango Street (Cisneros)- no plot and no point.

Agnes Grey (Bronte)- preachy and boring.

Wrinkle in Time (L'Engle)- too out there.

The Mysterious Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (Stevenson) - the climax was hardly climatic.

Anthem (Rand) - esoteric and ridiculous, so could not relate.

Last Night I Dreamed

2011-03-14T06:14:00.002-06:00

I dreamed that I accidentally went on Facebook... and no one had tried to contact me. There were no messages, not friend requests, no notifications.

Then I dreamed that Sarah Ferguson brought her daughter (Eugenie or Beatrice, don't know which one) in for treatment. I got a not from Prince Andrew asking me to "please help mum get better," meaning Fergie.

Can you tell what I'm worried about?

Lent 2011

2011-03-08T21:45:00.003-07:00

Ash Wednesday. I thought about going to a Catholic church and doing the whole ceremony but I thought that real believers might thing I was somehow making fun because I'm not Catholic or that maybe I would be going against my own beliefs since keeping Lent, for me, is not religious per se but more an adventure in self-control. So no mass.

I've celebrated lent prolly four years now. Going off sweets and meat is my usual thing. I wanted to do something different this year. I wanted to do something that might somehow bring me closer to God. I brainstormed things that might me creating some distance. Here's what I came up with.

I'm going off Facebook and other useless websites.

Let me explain the parameters. Necessary websites will not be included -- such as lds.org, or my email, or my bank. Sites that give information -- like the library or npr -- will also be ok provided I have a purpose in going to them. I will - choke - not watch youtube clips. I will not surf aimlessly (even on "necessary" websites).

It's gonna hurt. That's ok. Lent should hurt. I hope to learn that I don't need these websites as much as I think I do. And I'm hoping I'll have more thought time for God.

What are you doing for Lent?

Creativity

2011-02-25T17:07:00.002-07:00

A few weeks ago a video popped up on Facebook, which featured a friend of mine from grade/junior/high school. In the video, she discusses creativity. She says that creativity is seeing past what is give to you and points out that all professions require creativity, that it's not unique to the arts and crafts world. Profound. Creating is really magical. I mean, you take materials given you, organize them in new ways, and thereby bring into existence something new -- from crafts to an idea to a solution to an invention. Isn't that what magic is -- creating something from the proverbial nothing?

We can be creators in any realm, as my friend discusses. Surgeons, business people, moms, therapists, chefs, you. You take what is given you and stretch beyond it. We take creativity for granted, as if the solutions we now have are obvious. How confined we'd feel if our phones were connected to a cord, or if we have to move to change the channel, or if we didn't have spices to flavor food. But sometime in the past, these weren't there. Someone thought beyond what was given.

Elder Uchtdorf says that everyone wants to be creative. I think it's because I feel empowered when I create. It's like, viola! I've just solve a problem, increased beauty, made life better. And it's all yours. You did it. Perhaps, for this reason, it is so vital with children to let them work out their own solutions. Problem-solving is creativity. How cruel for parents to take away their children's creative powers under the guise of wanting them to be happy. Happiness comes out of creating creative solutions to problems. But enough on parenting...

I'm trying to be more creative at work. I wrote out my friend's definition of creativity on my handy-dandy white board - not for others to see, but to remind myself to see past what is given. I think I'm being more creative with my clients. I try this or that. I try to think what more can be done, what hasn't been tried yet.

Tonight I'll have a chance to be creative. My ward is hosting speed-dating. Brilliant plan or pathetic means to an end? Remains to be seen. I'm reminded of what a bishop on my mission said: we don't knock doors to find people, we knock doors to show the Lord we're willing to do anything.... At worst, it'll be a good story. Wish me luck!

Schaetzen Lernen: Learning to Treasure

2011-02-22T20:30:00.006-07:00

I searched this morning on hulu for some smut to entertain me as I got ready for the day. The Bachelor won (and I'm hooked). It's alluring that for no money and full participatory consent, I get to judge (poorly) perfect strangers. I shall not further degrade myself by posting said judgments. However, the experience brought to mind something I've been mulling over.

You love the folks you really know.

It's kind of odd. Reason might argue that the more one understands about imperfections, the less disillusioned one is, the less one would enjoy a thing. For example, the PC. But not with people. With people it goes quite the other way if you let it.

If you let it. That's a key. If you write people off too soon, you don't really get to know them, and you don't really ever get to see them clearly. Oscar Wilde said, "To look at a thing is very different from seeing a thing. And one does not see anything until one sees its beauty." When you truly understand something, you'll see the good in it.

Seeing the good, I think that's love. Seeing the good and the bad and focusing on the good, that's Christlike love.

Christ knows us better than anyone. He knows our past, our present, our future. He knows our potential. He also knows our faults. He could write books about our faults. But, for the most part, I think He finds that unproductive because it doesn't coincide with His goals. His focus is on extending the good, using the good, enjoying the good.

I wonder what we'd find if we could just get our little hearts to focus on the good. To wait long enough, ask enough questions, spend enough time to really know the good. And, because it's a mixed bag, you'll find the bad. That's what makes a whole person. But seeing the whole, the bad might not seem quite so relevant.

When you really know someone, you understand and make allowances for their faults. You love them despite their faults. When you really know someone, you remember the times when they've acted nobly. When you really know someone, you've been through something together -- something you don't want to give up on a whim (read: small fault). When you really know someone and someone says something untrue about them, you defend them because you understand their intent. Because when you really know someone, you're in their corner.

So when Mother Theresa said, "If you judge someone [poorly] you have no time to love them," I must agree. If you can just wait a little longer before disapproving, you might be surprised.

I've learned this first hand at my job. I have to work with whatever client I'm assigned; I can't write people off. I can't go to my supervisor and say, "I need someone who's got it together just a bit more." The chaos is apparent. Stacks-of-documents apparent, hours-of-phones-calls-explaining-the-issues apparent. But no one is all bad. And I've never had a client who wasn't a little good. I've found that the longer I've worked with a client -- regardless of issues -- the more I care about him. The thing that makes the difference in how I feel about them is time. Because it takes time to know someone.

In German when we care about someone, we say we've (literally translated) "learned to treasure." Learned. Learning takes time and an open mind.

I hope to fall in love oftener now. Like the Bachelor seems to.

Foot note: The therapist in me requires me to say that although we might think to love everyone, we probably shouldn't trust everyone.

Rainy Days on Saturday

2011-02-19T22:36:00.003-07:00

And there was rain. Lovely rain. Read-a-book-curl-up-on-the-couch rain. And, you see, I've just gotten red rain boots-galoshes-muck boots-wellies. The rain was Providence giving me a gift- "Wear the boots." The boots are the direct inspiration/imitation from Ramona Quimby (age 8, among others). What are fantastic character (double meaning in that word)! Ramona is adventurous and brave and carefree. I love the books, adore the movie, and worship the movie's stylist. Haven't you seen it? Apart from being too entertaining to not watch weekly, I want to rip every outfit right off of Ginnifer Goodwin (followed by replacing her in all her scenes with Josh Duhamel). In short, I recommend it. As for Ramona, her red boots are nearly a character in themselves. She prizes them above all. And I prize my reds too. The boots cannot help but make any rain a lovely rain.

Valentine's Day

2011-02-14T07:53:00.005-07:00

Now it is that time of year when the world falls in love, and my favorite holiday. I held a Valentine-making party a few weeks ago. Also included are pics from another love-themed event -- watching Shadowlands and eating crepes!

The Haul.

A-zizzle presents Miss J with her Valentine swan.

Maizy, Em, and Ang show off their creations.

Cream puff swan with strawberry ice cream (oh, and Kate and Wills in the back ground).

Wizards of Waverly Place valentines - best year ever!

Psuedo-specs crew - HRH, Camilla, and R-win!

Miss J, Vil, Britt, Maizy, R-win, and Camilla.

Vil, Ang, and the lone man, J

Engrossed.

Brit, Miss J, and Camilla

Kate and Maizy

Resolute

2011-01-02T17:44:00.007-07:00

It's that time of year. No, not as Karen Carpenter alludes, when the world falls in love and every some you hear seems to say, "Merry Christmas." It's New Year's resolution time.

Resolution. Resolute (according to dictionary.com) means "determined on an action or result."

There was once a British exploration ship - the HMS Resolute. So the Resolute was floating up in the arctic in 1854 when she became stuck in the ice. So the crew just shimmied down the sides (literary license taken for effect) and walked away, later picked up by another ship. An American crew found the Resolute and the United States government refurbished the ship, returning her to England as a goodwill gesture (remember this was during the Civil War, when making nice with the Brits didn't hurt the Union one bit). Once the ship was too old for real service, Queen Victoria had it dismantled and (at least) two desks were made from it -- called the Resolute desks. One sits in Buckingham Palace; the other sits in the Oval Office*.

Last year I set 7 goals. Let us focus on what I did do.

1. I took the GRE and did pretty well.

2. I exercised much more. I ran two official 5Ks.

3. I took a hip hop class and an archery class.

I'm quite happy with the things I did. I'm disappointed about the others. Not disappointed necessarily that I didn't experience them after all, but disappointed that I set them as goals. There are lots of reasons why a person wouldn't reach a goal (it's unreachable, she is lazy, she has no support). For me, I think it was that I didn't really want the others. I'll set better goals for 2011.

I'm resolute. I really intend to do the following. No namby-pamby goals for me. And here's what I'm determined to do.

1. Take community classes for weightlifting and auto mechanics.

2. Run half-marathon.

3. Buy only things I need and really want, no matter what the sale.

4. Pay off student loan.

5. Finish the long sought-after goal of attending all Utah temples. Really resolute this time.

* The desks were apparently featured in National Treasure.

Human-made

2010-12-21T21:06:00.002-07:00

When folks are asked how they feel close to God, or where they go to relax, or what they think is beautiful, many, if not all, answer Nature. Nature is sometimes the recovering addicts Higher Power. Thoreau went to Walden. Gurus sit on the tops of mountains. Very transcendental. Nature has inspired poets, prophets, lovers.

Nature impresses me. But it's not really me.

I submit to the jury that perhaps inspiration, relaxation, and meaning might also be found in human-made creations. Indeed, we may say that He who created Nature, inspired men and women to be mini-creators. The world is rich with innovation and creativity. I'm so thankful, really, that I've seen as much as I have. Humans have made the world so happily habitable. I heard an old Jewish proverb that said (and I will probably massacre it) that the purpose of life is to bring order to things. I think humankind has brought much order to the world, in good ways. I find it exciting. Below are some photos representative of those human-made creations that broaden my mind (in no particular order).

An artistic garden (like at Versailles).

Architecture.

Seeing organization.

Plays. And movies. Things that tell stories, illustrate points, connect people.

Books.

Hotels.

Beautiful food.

Beautiful interior design.

Traditions. And classy people.

Photography and fashion.

Degas in particular and art in general

Family

2010-12-03T20:18:00.003-07:00

The five most important people in my world (number six is my mom) with me.

Home

2010-11-13T16:09:00.004-07:00

I'm from Alpine. I grew up there all my life. Yesterday I went back to see my mom and went for a run. I'd forgotten my city. It's idyllic. It's like Martha Stewart's Bedford. On my run I was first met, in the chilly air, by a deer who gave me a look of put apathy. I had to smile.

My town has a candy store. When I was very young it was just an outlet and we'd buy damaged candy canes and suckers. But now it's a proper boutique. Charming.

Lanes. History. Interesting things to see. That's my city. Lots for kids to do and none of it naughty. It's safe and ideal.

This is the house I hope to one day own. It's a gorgeous house with orchards and property. That's what I want - property for bees and orchards.

No seriously. This is where I grew up. Beautiful isn't it? Nestled into the mountains and with such lovely fields. Especially in the Fall.

The sky is celestial. It's facing south, toward Utah lake. And this is my neighborhood. Jealous much?

Yes, that's a camel. Our dear friends have had them for years. They just keep them.

I have been so blessed to grow up in the prettiest little corner of the world.

Detox

2010-11-06T16:24:00.002-06:00

On Monday I decided I need to purge. Not like that. It wasn't DSM-worthy. I purged my closet. I dropped half my wardrobe on the floor. My friends picked through it and I donated the rest. When I look at my bare closet I feel relieved. I really love what's left. And I have a better idea of what to buy next. In fact, I went shopping, committing to spending a little more on thing I love that will last longer, and came away with nothing. Manifesto: I will not buy cheap things because they are cheap.

It's a psychological as well as physical exercise, getting rid of so much. You get rid of the superfluous -- the tiny details that clogged your vision from priority. I got rid of goals I felt I should have and kept the goals that truly important. I pushed the fluff aside and saw who I really am.

I'd recommend this drill. You'll feel a million times better. It's free therapy. You find out just what you don't need. You aren't weighed down by literal baggage. Let me know how it goes.

Little Laughs

2010-11-02T11:40:00.003-06:00

My job is often very serious. But we also have our fair share of laughs. Here are some funny things that have been said in session (none of which are personal or sensitive). Enjoy!

"Fish don't have feelings. Kurt Cobain said." (Client discussing being vegetarian and eating fish.)

"The staff just let me sleep around." (Eek!)

"She is a witch who sucks out all the happiness." (Client commenting to staff about me... in other news, we've since reconciled.)

"Hey, girlfriend!" (Parent greeting me. Little odd.)

"I literally felt like crap." (Literally?)

"Her name's Grandma and she's upstairs." (Client retelling a childhood story of the paramedics coming to his house for his grandma.)

"I've been diagnosed with super-strength." (Client supposedly "messing" with peers, but he might just believe it.)

Who are you?

2010-10-09T11:58:00.002-06:00

I've got this fairly new contraption on the side of the blog (it's on the left). And it tells me where everyone who visits the blog lives (theorectically). Who are you visiting my blog? Please let a comment to let me know who you are and where you are from.

Thanks

2010-10-07T22:47:00.002-06:00

I was talking with Oli and I don't exactly remember what he said but it was something to the effect of, "Don't forget that you can really make a difference in someone's life." I think I've forgotten this a bit and that's caused me to be ho-hum about my work. So today I really tried. I mean I really tried to care. I tried to be interested. Tried to be excited. Tried to give them a little part of me. And I think it worked out pretty well.

I pulled out old thank you notes from past clients -- to remind myself that I have made a difference before -- and posted them where I can see them often. And then, tender mercy, two parents expressed extreme and passionate thanks to me. It was odd, but made me happy. And I had really positive interactions with clients where I thought, "Hey, they are a little happier after chillin' with me."

Tonight I got a note from a friend just saying how much she values me. It really made me happy. And everything she said was true -- well, I mean, she said that she appreciates how excited I am about stuff and it's true because I just feel so excited around her. She is really fun and I don't exactly know why but I think she is swell and I'm super stoked when ever I see her.

And also, I was talking with The Blur, who is one of my bestest friends ever, and she expressed appreciation and how she values our friendship and that was the cherry on top. can I just put in a plug for The Blur at this juncture in the blog. I can become obsessive. She laughs at my dumb jokes. She makes me feel like a million bucks. She's adventurous and daring. She is a hard worker who gives 1,000,000% (yes, that's a million) in everything she does. Also, she is hot (no, like really, really good looking -- so men, let me know and I'll see if you measure up), which a person ought it be if they possibly can.

I feel like as I've tried today, Heavenly Father has rewarded me many times over -- as is His style. So, because everyone else has already said it, I say thanks, because I got a couple few blessings too -- most are people. I hope you know who you are. I hope I've made sure you know who you are. I'm gonna make sure you know who you are.

A Serious and Critical Critique

2010-10-05T20:37:00.004-06:00

HANSON!

The boys sounded great live. I was surprised to learn that they have done the bulk of their musical repertoire post MMMBop. I had expected for them to stick to the first album (what I know), but they played much more. Their sound is much more indie, folksy, blues. I think that they are appealing to a whole near demographic than in those MMMBop days. BTW, they've been performing for 13 years!!!

Taylor is still just as hot. And is it weird that his wedding ring is a turn on because it means he's faithful and kind of classy?

Passion and on-tune!

It was odd, it must be admitted, that he had his back to his brothers the whole time.

Look! It's the Queen (who never blogs)! This was her last hurrah before she upped and got hitched!

One last bit of information: Zack did not seem very into it. It's like he's just doing because he always does it and he'd rather be watching football.

Emergency

2010-10-02T23:15:00.002-06:00

Heart attacks, terrorists, fires -- all pale in comparison to an aquatic or spill emergency. Luckily, our paper towel dispensers have emergency functions.

72-Hour Kit

2010-09-13T20:19:00.003-06:00

I searched the internet unsuccessfully to find suggestions of what to put into a 72-hour kit (something to sustain life). My ward just put new packs together so I thought I'd write out their suggestions and share them with all.

Day 1

Breakfast- oatmeal and juice box

Lunch - ramen

Dinner - canned soup (our happens to be tomato)

Day 2

Breakfast - granola bar

Lunch - applesauce and peanut butter crackers

Dinner - easy mac (flat packet, not the bowls)

Day 3

Breakfast - oatmeal and hot chocolate

Lunch - easy mac

Dinner - ramen

Snacks

cookies (like granny Bs)

granola bar

fruit snacks

salt water taffy

Put it all into a one-gallon ziploc -- change things out every six months (like at Christmas and 4th of July, or at General Conference).

Write the date packed and have at least 3 gallons of water.

I put the bag into a bigger backpack (or some people put it in their backpacker backpack to store... and remove it to use the backpack). I also have a deck of cards, a solar shower (like $5 at WalMart -- heats the water and makes it come out all shower-like), rain ponchos, couple Sterno cans, toothpaste, change of clothes, one of those tinfoil looking survival blankets, fire starters, TP, some soap, and a first aid kit.

Late

2010-09-03T22:04:00.003-06:00

"Wow. This is so unexpected. I didn't even have a speech prepared. But I will tell you this, tardiness is not something you can do all on your own. Many people contributed to my tardiness. First, I'd like to thank my parents for never giving me a ride to school; the LA city bus drivers for takin' a chance on an unknown kid; and last, but not least, the wonderful crew at McDonald's who spend hours making those tiny egg McMuffin's without which I might never be tardy." - Travis

Travis (Breckin Meyer) and Mr. Hall (Wallace Shawn) in Clueless

I'm late to everything.

Meant to Be

2010-08-29T11:07:00.006-06:00

I once had a Relief Society president who was slightly high strung. She was the drum major in the BYU band, full-time student, and held a job. She was one of those people that are always laughing but have a hint of insecurity. We got to be pretty good friends and that insecurity came out. She was a couple years older than me and a little worried that she might be in the predicament of being alone forever. She'd talk to me about this a lot -- to the point where I really didn't think there was much else to say. One day, however, she managed to expand my perspective. She'd been talking with the bishop and one of them came up with the brilliant truth that if something has been promised you the promise will remain in force until fulfilled. She recalled blessings, her patriarchal in particular, that had promised a family of her own. I've reflected often on this notion -- that promises don't have expiration dates.

My friend Andrea, has need blessed by adoption once and they are waiting for another. I wonder if she sometimes wonders if there are any other babies in their future. Or maybe she's been promised another baby and wonders if it will really happen. If it's promised, it'll happen.

It's all about the worldly notion of "meant to be." I believe in meant to be. Not in some ethereal, mystical way, but in the way that I believe God has things under control. Max Ehrmann, the poet, said, "Whether or not it is clear to you, the universe is unfolding as it should." It's the essence of the song He's Got the Whole World in His Hands. I believe strongly that we are in His hands and things will work out as they should. And that we will be happy with the result.

That's the most important thing. We'll be happy with the result.

On my mission we worked with Nelli (in photo with Anni Kymalainen), who'd just had a rough time. She was from Kazakhstan and was allowed into Germany because she has German heritage (for more details on this law, call me). Her marriage was in shambles and she was trying to find a way to move out but had complication after complication. After one such complication I said, "I'm sure Heavenly Father has a really great apartment for you somewhere." At that moment I thought, "What a stupid thing to say! She wanted this apartment. She needs it. It doesn't make sense to wait for another." However, in reflection, I agree with myself. If things don't work out it's because something else will. And we'll be happy with that something else. Really happy.

The important thing is to have faith, which is essentially trust. If I say, "I have faith in you," I'm saying, "I trust you. I know you'll have integrity and follow through on whatever our agreement was." If we can trust the Lord, we'll know that our lives are working out in a meant-to-be fashion.

Last example, I went into social work because I really wanted to help people in poverty. I altered that a bit and decided I'd really like to do humanitarian aid. I felt very passionately about that. I felt strongly that it was unjust to have to so much suffering in the world, that it was part of my duty as a citizen of the world and someone who understands that my life has purpose, to help all those I could. And too help the most needy. Because I have been given much/ I too must give. And then in grad school it just didn't work out. I felt pushed toward mental health. I felt like I was giving up on the dream, letting unknown suffers down. And for what? Posher life with a steady income and a clinical setting. Therapy is luxury and I wanted to be giving necessities. Later, I was talking to a former professor, Dr. Jini Roby, about my feelings and she said, "Yes, but helping is helping. Macro or micro." That's helped me a lot. My job is meant to be. I'm where I should be. Maybe I'll still be able to build my African hut and work on a well, but for now my life is where it should be.

Meant to be is trusting things will work out and promises will be fulfilled.

July

2010-07-18T19:39:00.005-06:00

So, July so far has brought my birthday and a concert with friends. Enjoy the photos!

I share a birthday with my niece, Gracie, so I spent my big day with her on her big day.

For my birthday, I had a black and white party. Everyone dressed in black and white. We ate food (including marble cake) and watched Breakfast at Tiffany's.

High School chums - Jen, me, Steph, and Haley

Kari, Christina, Tina, and Krista

Steve, Kate, me, and Braden

Jason

Rhiannon and Amy

Amy and Marta

Cake!

Krystel, Kailee, and Christina

We went to see Secondhand Serenade with a bunch of friends. Good times!

The group. We took this photo for our upcoming album. We call ourselves "Album Cover/ Band Photo," but you can call us what our fans do - AC/BP.

P-town

2010-06-19T19:01:00.002-06:00

World locations have reputations. If, for example, you tell someone you're moving to Wichita it might not have the punch of, say, New York City. When I lived in Germany, being American was very ok and sometimes a talking point. But you'd not find the Germans proclaiming their Germaness (unless it was World Cup season). I don't really find anything wrong with Germans, but country-pride is not looked well on since WWII.

Some places are allowed more pride than others, which is unfortunate. LA is rad, Wichita is less so. though I am quite certain Wichita has it's charms.

It is of one of those spots I'd like to write. P-town, where I live, receives mentions usually in an apologetic way.

"I gotta get out of Provo."

"And I really didn't want to have to move here."

"Yep, still in Provo. Eek."

It's like P-town is not allowed to be liked. One cannot be proud of it. To like it means you have no taste or that you haven't gotten out much. But I like it. I really do. And I flatter myself that I am somewhat well-traveled and educated. To prove my love, and encourage it in others, I have a top ten list of the things I really enjoy about it. These aren't really in an order.

10. Farmer's Market. Sometimes it's more market than farmer but it's fun to be with a community and some of the food is really yummy.

9. Bridal Veil Falls. The grounds make a good walk.

8. The grounds at BYU. If you need a walk or just want to spread a blanket or you like to people watch, this is the place.

7. Gallery Stroll and F-Stop Cafe. The art is fun and the cafe has about one patron, making it friendly and actually the hot chocolate doesn't suck. I went in there one day and there was a puppy just hanging out.

6. Center Street. It's just a cool looking walk.

5. Cocoa Bean. It's slightly bitter and that makes it beyond delicious.

4. Library. I've decided this (and the one in Orem) is my happy place.

3. Riding bikes on Uni Ave and near Center.

2. International Cinema at BYU. And it's free.

1. Communal. Try the squash and the pot de creme.

Literally

2010-06-14T21:00:00.003-06:00

I have a game I play with clients who don't seem to be interested in actual therapeutic endeavors called Table Topics. It's a box of questions from "What was your favorite childhood meal?" to "Do you believe in an afterlife?" I've played it often enough that I have my prescribed answers and the game holds little mystery for me. I want to be as honest and open as possible (modeling, a therapeutic term I use for my notes to somehow justify the session's activities). However, some questions baffle me. "What one thing would you ask a psychic?" and "What is your biggest pet peeve?"

I would like to announce that I have an answer for the second (the one about pet peeves). It is the misuse of the word literally.

Literally means in all actuality, the concrete meaning of a word -- no metaphor, no idiom. The antonym of literally is figuratively. Figuratively means metaphor, idiom, a figure of speech.

I have the following rules for the use of literally.

First, the thing must actionable and have actually, physically happened. For example, in telling the story of her son's (figurative) broken heart she said, "He was literally crushed." What! Oh my goodness! Is he okay? Another example, "Time was literally flying." This brings up visions of clocks with wings, stalking prey like Hitchcock's birds. In both of these examples, the events did not actually happen. The offenders intended to strengthen to power of their statements. What they should have said was something like "He was totally crushed" or "Time was definitely flying." One can be totally crushed, so to speak, and time can be metaphorically definitely flying.

Second, it must be the opposite of figuratively. Because literally is used to create emphasis, offenders often use it in a way that can only be literal, making the word unnecessary and out-of-place. For example, "I was literally speeding down the road." Of course you were. There is no metaphor or idiom about speeding down the road. No one is going to think you weren't actually in a car. They get it. Another example, "The duck literally took the bread from my hand." Really? Glad you clarified. Otherwise I might have thought the duck wasn't real. A better way to say it would be "I was speeding down the freeway... really I was" or "The duck came right up, man, and dang if that bread wasn't taken from my own hand."

The best time to use literally is when you actually did something that might be mistaken as figurative. For example, "I literally bought the farm" or "Maria was literally relieved when she got to the restroom."

Check out this misuse from Kristen Stewart and this youtube clip from Frasier.

In sum, I now have a great answer for Table Topics, and it's one (as you might surmise from the impetus to write a blog about it) I feel quite passionate about.

Empire State of Mind

2010-06-13T18:14:00.012-06:00

Last week I went to NYC with my mom and sister, Fred. I owned that city.

We had dinner with my girl, E Masi, and I even crashed on her couch (when our hotel messed up our "order"). She is always a delight to be around and I miss her tons since she moved to NYC.

We saw Memphis. Good show. It was about a white, 8th-grade educated loser from, you guessed it, Memphis who rises when he plays "race music" on the radio and subsequently falls for a black singer. It's got the same basic idea as Hairspray but is much more serious.

We visited the island.

And the Statue of Liberty.

Fred and I with Manhattan in the back ground.

Although we couldn't reckon that any of our ancestors came through Ellis Island, some folks with our name did.

The World Trade Center site. It was kind of sad to look at think of how horrible 9/11 was. As we walked the street around the site I kept thinking about the people who ran from the site 9 years ago and the people who were never found.

I got to meet up with Heidikins, who just happened to be in town.

Scouted for wizards but in the end, Waverly Place was just another street. But a really cool street.

The Brooklyn Bridge -- "Brooklyn, I spent a month there one night."

SofL is smaller from Brooklyn.

Imagine no possessions/

I wonder if you can/

And no need for greed or hunger/

A brotherhood of man/

Imagine all the people/

Sharing all the world

Breakfast at Tiffany's

In the Heights -- which I really enjoyed -- staring Corbin Bleu (Jordin Sparks will join him soon). It's the story of Usnavi, a first-generation immigrant living in NYC's Washington Heights. His neighborhood is going to pot and they have to pull together and decide what's really important. It's got great music, good script, and memorable characters. Totally recommend it!

Everyone has a good time in NYC.

May

2010-05-29T13:23:00.009-06:00

My nephew graduated. He'll be heading up to USU for a year and then head off on the painful and purposeful adventure we call a mission. I first found out about my nephew after my mom and I raced to the hospital because my sister was in labor. We met his dad in the elevator. He said, "It's a boy; 8lbs 6 oz." He was very calm which I found anticlimactic. And now my nephew's all growed up.

This is my niece. She'll graduate much later. As you can tell, she's not very mature.

This is our friend RDS. He introduced us to Dr. Who. And we love it, love it. It's British, clean, and fun. It about a "time lord" who travels around in his Tardis (a blue police box that's small on the outside and huge on the inside) solving mysteries through out the ages -- it's always the aliens "who done it."

A really scary episode includes angel statues which start out beautiful and get scary. The statues come alive and come after you... but only if you aren't looking at them. So you have can't turn away, leave, run, or even blink. It's a super thrilling episode... that I haven't yet seen, oddly enough. I saw another episode with the angels, but not the episode. I hope to soon. Anyway, we got sidewalked-chalked by RDS and JG and were delighted to wake up to this.

The stairs read "Don't even blink."

And here's a hot photo of my girls and me from the farmer's market, which happened to be less farmers and more market.

And now a poem from Chalie Boy to describe the photo.

On my mamma/ On my hood

I look fly/ I look good

Touch my swag/ wish you could

I look fly/ I look good

Bookmarks

2010-05-26T22:57:00.003-06:00

Along the top of my internet page run my bookmarks. There are the usual ones -- gmail, youtube. (I don't have one for Facebook. The reason being that I don't want to go there too often. I find I go there less if I have to type out the address instead of just click a link. it also helps me forget it exists.) The necessary ones because they are useful and I go there often -- this blog and lds.org. The boring ones -- credit card accounts, investment sites. Then there are ones just for me.

Pandora. If you don't know what it is, crawl out from under the rock and prepare to have your life changed. My favorite stations are my broadway and my John Mayer.

Links to my favorite libraries and my paperback swap, where you can trade books for free.

Playlist. This connects to my blog. I use it to make playlists for parties as well. I like it because I can listen to a song until I'm sick of it without paying for it.

Goodreads. Many of my friends are on it. We write about what we are reading and compile lists of the things we read. I also have a link to it on the right side of this page. I enjoy seeing what my fellows are reading; I like writing out my opinions and admiring the list of my readings. And I like reading that other people loved/hated whatever book I loved/hated. For example I loved A Separate Peace as did many others; and I hated Anthem, as did most others. Very validating.

What've you got bookmarked?

Bike

2010-05-24T19:18:00.002-06:00

Queen said, "I like to ride my bicycle/ I like to ride my bike." I can relate to this song.

Today I went for a bike ride. I enjoy leisurely bike rides -- I have to, my bike has no gears. But even still I am not an endurance bike-rider. I sit on a beach cruiser.

I love the feeling of bike riding. Especially through a city. It's idyllic for me. Walking you can observe the minutiae of the street, in a car it's much too fast. Bike riding is the goldilocks of transport. I feel a connection to my surrounding. I can hear the street, see the pavement, observe nature, greet strangers, but not soooo slowly.

Bike riding gets two thumbs up.

One Year

2010-05-17T20:22:00.002-06:00

It's been one year since my dad died. At first, when everything was fresh, it was hard. But knowing that my dad is ok and that I'll see him again has made a difference. And I've been ok this year. I've gone on with life. But the last few days, leading up to this anniversary, have been reflective and more painful that I'd expected.

I went to his grave today, just to have a moment. I was talking to him and going over some memories when I thought, I don't know if I've recorded these memories. I want to write down a few more.

My dad's back was arched over. A long time ago he was 6'2" but he'd slumped over and was shorter than me. When you'd hug him you could feel his spine, which is kind of odd but somehow sentimental to me. I can remember exactly his hands, callused and long fingers. And when he was sitting and excited he'd bounced his knees and slap his hands over them and say, "Oh! I'm just so..." whatever.

I keep kleenex in my car because my dad did. I'd recommend it.

I reflected on the fact that I have never once doubted that my parents love me. My parents have always, without exception, treated me with love. And I'm a really lucky kid because not everyone has that. My dad was stoked about any decision I made and it was easy to be me around him, and to make my own decisions, and to live my life my way, making my own mistakes, because I knew he'd be stoked whatever. And even if he thought a decision was weird (On going to grad school "Getting married's a good thing too") he still supported me.

He helped pay for my mission. Last night I was going through some things we got from his house and among them were the emails from my mission. My mission means everything to me. It is the most important experience of my life. And I got to go because of my supportive family, and because of my dad.

School too. My dad paid for a lot of my costs associated with school. Yeah, I could've done it without him, but it was so much nicer to do it with him. And he let me use his car until I got my own, which was a big relief to me as I was returning from my mission.

When Fred and Dad and I went to Disneyland -- just weeks before he really got sick -- when I was still in high school, he made us ride the Matterhorn, like, three times in a row. I didn't get a big thrill out of it, but Dad did. Fred and Dad had mint juleps as we rode the ferry around Tom Sawyer island -- I probably had a coke.

Balm Bar. Never heard of it? Dad had some in his house and his car. Apparently it moisturizes very well. When I'd borrow his car we'd have to get his things out: the Balm Bar, medications, his disabled sign, his glasses.

When I was little Dad went to Italy. I know because he bought me back a small bottle of sand that read Venice. I wondered, because Italy was so far away, that he really hadn't told me about it until he was back. It wasn't until much later in life that I learned of a nice beach in California called Venice.

In January 2009, when dad busted his femur, I visited his every week in the rehab. Loved the wheelchair that sat by the side of the bed. I attempted to teach dad to text. But, uhh, Dad had other talents.

When Dad test drove my yellow PT cruiser (which I love almost as much as life itself) he rode the brake. I about died. I kept thinking, don't ruin my car, don't ruin my car. He recommended I think about the car for three days and see if I still wanted it. He went home and I bought the car on the spot. Love is love. And Dad was stoked for me.

Dad and I went shopping before back-to-school night for the sixth grade. We went to the Gap and I got gray stretch pants with a long-sleeved short/mini dress with twirl power (it's a legit power). I felt like a million dollars going to back-to-school night.

A couple years ago Dad and I were driving along way together, probably to the family reunion held in upper Mongolia (or Eastern Utah, I forget which). Dad told me how he broke into a radio station when he was in high school. They played some prank on the DJ.

Dad loved cars. He always wanted a Cadillac. He could name the makes, models, and years of old cars. He would tell me about the cars he'd had and I'd have no clue what he was talking about.

I asked Dad why he didn't wear Wrangler's like most of his family. He said he wanted to have kids.

Dad loved the Golden Girls and Dallas. Probably loved Dallas a little too much.

When I was five, Mom was at work and Dad was tending me. It snowed outside and I asked go out and play. He said no so I told him it was opposite day and asked again. He said yes. So I went out and played for five minutes before I was too cold and came back inside.

Miss you, Dad.

Michael Buble

2010-04-02T13:21:00.004-06:00

The tickets were obtained months in advanced. The day planned for... then forgotten... and reminded. Michael fantasized about. I enjoyed Michael's humor in general, his renditions of Billy Jean (here on youtube) and Shake It Up Baby, and just listening to perfectly sung song after song. Check out the photos below.

Necklace Boards

2010-03-28T13:21:00.002-06:00

Miss J made one and it was rad, so I -of course -had to follow the trend. I made one for myself (pink) and one for my niece, Kyrsti (green). Don't tell Kyrsti, though, it's a surprise. I don't think Kyrsti reads this blog. If you do, Lou, pretend you didn't read this and be very excited. ;)

I went to Home Depot and found a 48" long board (that's just what size it came in, but I'd also check the scrap heap too) and about a half inch thick. I had the fine worker there cut it into two 21" slabs -- you could go a little longer but not much. I should have kept the left over piece and made place to hang keys-- so take the into consideration if you do this.

I sanded the board then painted it with regular acrylic paint I got for $2 at Robert's. I cut out magazine clippings (I'd think you could also do photos but print on regular paper not photo paper) including letters for each of our names. You can use glue to stick everything onto the board, or just paint the back-side of each clipping and it sticks to the board. Press firmly to get things to stick and hold for a second.

Next, I went over the whole board with a thin layer of white acrylic paint. This gives it a shabby-chic look. If the white it too thick, just use your fingers and wipe it off. On one of them I used some mod-podge at the end just because things were struggling to stay down.

Last, I inserted nails wherever I felt it was right. Hang in your desired way; I drilled two holes through the board and nailed it to the wall.

It was a really simple, cute project.

This I Believe

2010-03-23T21:45:00.005-06:00

I believe Suze Orman really cares about me and my money.

Growing up I had two very different monetary educations. My dad's philosophy was "You can't take it with you so spend it now" and my mom was a bargain shopper. This was a difficult difference for me to absorb and assimilate. Instant gratification or slow and steady wins the race?

Buying now and worrying about paying later is a nice way to live most days of the month. I like nice things. I have lots of nice things. And I paid full price for some of them.

Finding a bargain is a nice way to live too. When you find something really amazing then you brag to all your friends how there are none left and you only paid $xx. People envy that sort of thing, I think.

In becoming my own human I've taken the best of both worlds and added a li'l something. I've read some finance books, been online for tips, and attended some workshops. I like Suze Orman's show. She tells people what they can and can't afford and she's really strict. (I don't think I can afford anything.) But she's strict because she cares. And I've read her books bzw. I've skimmed some of her books. My saving account is based on her advice: eight months expenses. And lately, for non-planned items, I've just given myself an amount to spend, however I please (no "budget" requirements or specificities) -- on full- and sale-priced items; for big and small purchases. And I just go until it's gone. I'm also trying to work on a cash-only basis for this part of my budget. I can actually see and feel how much moola I got. I have also felt empowered when I realized I had more than I'd probably need so I bought some curtains that block out all light. Sleepin' good and feelin' in control.

My dad once railed on my girl Ellen because she's gay. Later he mentioned his love for Suze Orman. I thought about bursting his bubble on Suze's sexuality, but stopped myself because I really like Suze and I truly believe she cares about me and my money.

Drill, Baby, Drill!

2010-03-21T17:55:00.004-06:00

Surveying the mess that is my second closet (yes, I have two) I knew something had to be done with the purses. I had an old board of hooks in the first closet (the display having tumbled to the ground many moons). If only I had a drill, I thought.

But, wait! I received a drill for Christmas. And once my bro Ty had showed me how to use a drill. Without consulting anyone (ok, I called Ty about drill but size, but that was it!) I drilled into my wall, and effectively hung this rack. Now the purses are nicely organized and off the floor. So proud.

If you thought this blog was going to be about something else, then I bet you'll get a kick out of this.

Weekend Update with HRH

2010-03-21T16:55:00.005-06:00

I'm still plugging away at Lent with "lapses" every couple days. Although I have not been able to totally eliminate treats and high-sugar foods, I have significantly reduced the consumption. I feel the difference in my body and I'm eating more heathfuly. For example, on a recent grocery shopping trip I loaded my cart, on happenstance, with only food in its natural form (besides milk and whole-grain bread). I've rediscovered pears and everyone needs to try the Greek honey yogurt from Good Earth -- after going Greek, you just can't go back.

I gave up Facebook for a week. Not hard at all. I thought it would be hard and take some will-power. With Facebook deleted from my address book and no access at work, the week slipped by without me noticing very much, if at all, that Facebook was missing. I'd recommend it (the going without, not Facebook).

I'm training for a 5K -- never ran so far in my life. Miss J and I are on a schedule: run 1.5 miles Tuesdays, Thursdays, Saturdays with increasing distance weekly and cross training Wednesdays. I have had this goal before but it never materialized because I wasn't motivated. I'm successful because we are training to run The Race for the Cure in May in support of our friend Lulu, who has breast cancer. I'm pretty stoked. It's a big group and we're doing shirts at all. Most importantly, it's really encouraging for Lulu.

I'm heading to NYC in June. My sister runs leadership camps for high schoolers in NYC, DC, and Cali all summer. My mom and I are going to visit her in-between camps. Our plan is to just see show after show after show, then go to H&M, tour, then see another show. Recommendations on shows?

I met with a mortgage broker but, in thinking things over, I'm not going to buy a house. I could, but I've decided to focus more on grad school. I'm taking a GRE prep course in May and then doing an Anthro class in the summer. I think I'd like to do a Ph.D. in Anthropology. Duke and UC San Diego have programs that look neat (if... no... when I get in). Is it weird to say that part of my inspiration comes from Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants II where Bridgett does an archaeological dig in Turkey? (I don't want to be an archaeologist, but I'd like to go on a dig if they'd let me). I'm even more stoked about it after reading (though I'm not quite finished) Guns, Germs, and Steel. It's the first non-fiction I've read (ok, so compared to Gladwell and Pollan) that the author was a true expert and it's wasn't super repetitive. I've learned so so much. The book is all about how society got to where it is and why other societies didn't seem to evolve the same. It's a long book and I don't think I'd have made it through except that it's on CD in my car, but I'd highly, highly recommend it.

My girl (that's us in the photo) Vali, in Germany, got her mission call to Temple Square. I yelled much when I heard, as did my mom. We just love her and her family. She said, "You came to us and now I'm coming to you!" She's the girl who, at age 14, who asked if we could knock some doors when the appointment we'd invited her to fell through. Who does that? Vali is a very special person.

And that's the update.

Hunger Games and Catching Fire

2010-03-21T16:53:00.002-06:00

I recently read the first two of three books, Hunger Games and Catching Fire, in the Hunger Games series. I did not enjoy the books because they aren't necessarily happy books. They were entertaining and they made me think. And I'm still thinking about the message. (For a summary of the plot, go to the end of the post.)

When she got the idea for the book, the author, Suzanne Collins, was apparently flipping through TV channels -- flipping between the Iraq war and reality TV. It occurred to her that the juxtaposition was kind of sick. In a way watching people fight for their lives is side-by-side with the shallow entitlement of reality TV. The books have made American Idol extra stressful (luckily I rarely watch) because as they are eliminating people, my subconscious believes those people will be killed. That's way more terrifying than just being kicked off a show.

The books really make you feel the shallowness, without being preachy. One of the ways it does this is with Katniss' "styling team," the folks that make her super wonderful and beautiful prior to ya know, dying. The team members are totally consumed in their own lives, even commenting on inconveniences and "privations" they must suffer due to (unbeknownst to them) rebelling districts. When you're reading the book you can hear Amy Poehler and Seth Myers yelling, "Really?! Really?!" It has me considering my own priorities and if sometimes I am not slightly entitled. I am. My life is extremely comfortable and my problems are more or less surmountable. In our lives it's so easy to forget that so many don't have it easy. It's the ultimate "out of sight, out of mind."

The purpose of the character of Haymitch is worthy of some dialogue. Haymitch, to me, is the god-figure (although, be a drunkard and all, he's nowhere near divine). He gives simple, concise advice that when followed always works out. Also, Katniss must consider what she knows of Haymitch while in the Arena so that she can get what she needs from him (like medicine or food) and playing the Game with Haymitch's strategy works out. In a religious way (and I don't believe for a moment Collins intended this) it like following God's counsel and also figuring out what you have to do to get Him to do what you need Him to do, which will, in turn, be best for you.

Katniss is a strong female lead. Ok, so some have likened her relationship skills to that of Bella's (sorry, I just threw up in my mouth), but, as my friend Hayley pointed out, Katniss is concentrating on survival, she doesn't want a family at all, so give the chick a break if she doesn't give a lot of thought to guys. That aside, the girl got some wicked skills: hunting, archery, strategy. It actually really got me thinking about my own survival skills and now I'm working on emergency preparedness. Katniss is also compassionate and brave. She's not waiting to be saved; she's surviving and saving. She doesn't take a victim role. She doesn't expect others to solve her problems or make excuses for herself. She doesn't feel she's better than anyone else. I think those are all really great qualities and qualities I'd like to see more often in myself and others.

So, the third and final book comes out in August. Party: yes. More lessons to learn. I think so.

*The basic premise of the books are of a futuristic, dystopic North America ruled by the elite and perversely wealthy Capitol. To keep the remaining 12 districts in check, the Capitol hosts the mandatory Hunger Games- the ultimate reality TV show where 24 tributes (a boy and a girl from each district) fight to the death in an elaborate arena. Only one can win. Katniss Everdeen volunteers to go when her younger sister is drawn by lottery; but the plot thickens when her male counterpart declares he's got a thing for her.

Love and Death

2010-03-07T16:10:00.003-07:00

Just finished watching Finding Neverland. Cried my little heart out during this scene. How can anyone miss the symbolism? So we cry but it's the kind of cry that feels really good, like it proves your alive, or that something you were feeling just got out, and now you can take a breath and recommit yourself to smelling the proverbial roses.

It got me thinking about other movies that do this for me: The Notebook, Shadowlands. Every time. Quite often the scene with sisters of Sense and Sensibility or a hidden scene from Tuck Everlasting.

What are the commonalities? There are two: death and love. And when I say love, I mean real love. Not hot and steamy; but the kind of love that makes you care for someone who is completely incapacitated and may not be able to give you anything in return -- completely unselfish. And these movies portray that kind of love.

In The Notebook, it is the scene when the old couple - one of whom has Alzheimer's - curl up to die, loving each other so much and through so much, together. In Shadowlands it is CS Lewis' total devotion to his wife who can't give him anything really, except her company, because she is so sick; and he didn't even figure out he loved her until she was sick. For Sense and Sensibility, it is Eleanor Dashwood's long-awaited expression of emotion over the one person she truly loves, her sister, as Marianne Dashwood lays dying.

I like the Tuck Everlasting scene for a slightly different reason. It's about death, but it portrays a twist on the theme. In the scene Winnie is deciding between immortality and mortality; her grandmother is old and very ill and as we see Winnie thinking about her decision, we also watch her mother tending over her grandmother, showing the close relationship those two have. And it showed me that dying is ok if you've lived well. It must have taught that to Winnie to who takes to heart Tuck's saying, "Don't be afraid of death, Winnie; be afraid of the unlived life."

And that is what is so gripping about all of these deaths. They are peaceful, though heartbreaking, because of love and a life well-lived. And it is in the moment of death that love is really manifest, because one realizes how important the beloved really is, how important the relationship is, and how all the things that mattered at one point just don't any more. So after Finding Neverland I remember that some stuff is fleeting and other things are worth living for and noticing.

What movies do this for you?

2010-02-25T21:45:00.002-07:00

First, go to the bottom of the blog and turn off the music. Then watch this. Then watch it again.

Lent: Mastering the Self

2010-02-17T20:12:00.003-07:00

Lent is the (approximate) 40-day period prior to Easter. It begins on Ash Wednesday, when we begin to some sort of penance for our sins. The 40-day number comes from either the fact that Christ fasted 40 days or because He was in the tomb about 40 hours. (All according to wikipedia.)

The big traditions include giving something up during that time. I read articles of people giving coffee, treats, Facebook, or Lent (yes, giving up Lent for Lent). Last year I went vegetarian. It was pretty difficult. This year I wanted to give up something that's been a real problem. At first I thought about giving up spending money on anything beside necessities, but I threw the idea out because I was making too many exceptions. Then I thought about giving up media -- like only allowing missionary style media. But I x-ed that after calculating how that would be social suicide. Maybe I'll do it when I'm married.

Finally I decided on giving up sweets. Now before you say that it's wimpy and a cop out, listen to my reasoning. I'm addicted. To candy, to hot chocolate, to anything slightly sweet. And I'm not just cutting out desserts. I'm trying to cut down my overall sugar intake. I've gone off sugar twice before. The first time I spent the first half of the session being grumpy and complaining, and the second half plotting my relapse. I don't think I made it to the end of the second attempt.

So this will be difficult. I'm developing self-mastery.

A friend of mine paraphrased a quote: man has conquered the land, he has conquered the sea. He has conquered the animals and space. But man has not conquered himself.

Hopefully it will be said of me Veni, vidi, vici.

Book Sale

2010-02-14T21:41:00.010-07:00

It started out with me missing my flight. Well, the plane was totally there and if the Delta "help" had exhibited more faith I think they could have gotten me on the flight, but as it was I was waiting for the shuttle to return me to my car as my flight took off. I had about 9 hours to kill until I could get on another flight. Drive back to P-Town? Nein. Chill with Gram? Ja. I called up my Gram, who is 88, and asked if we could hang out. She said she wasn't busy.

Gram and Aunt Muriel

So first we exchange some orthopedic shoes she's has since October. Then we went to Marie Calendars. It's not fancy food but Gram loves it. After lunch, we snoozed and relaxed to the Mo Tab's 2008 Christmas concert featuring Edward Herman and Brian Stokes Mitchell. In Miss J's words, "It did not suck." Gram finally took my up on my offer to visit one of her sibs. We drove out to Magna, taking the long way (thank you, dear confusion at the Spaghetti Bowl) to visit Aunt Muriel, who is only 83. The two visited and Aunt Muriel, who called me by my sister's name the whole time (neither Gram nor I had the heart to correct her), told me all about her house -- which was originally a duplex that they moved (!) to its current location. She also show me a cool stitch for quilting and made me think about getting into quilting. After the visit I had to get back to the airport for my late flight. I got on this time (yay!) and arrived in Phoenix around midnight.

Heidikins, me, Andrea

At 4:45 am the alarm went off. Had the other two, Heidikins and Andrea (my newest friend), not stirred I would have missed the whole thing as it was painful to awaken. Around 5:15 we were in line at the fair grounds. We chatted with a new friend, random-guy Steve, sized up our competition, and Andrea and I bonded over music on her Ipod. At 8 am the doors opened and the insanity began. At 10:15, we were on our way home.

Me, Andrea, and Heidikins

The VNSA book sale has 600,000 donated books from a bazillion categories. Most paperbacks are US $1.50 and the most I spent on anything was US $6 (It was a very nice coffee-table book featuring Renoir). I spent the majority of my time in classics, foreign language, children's, and self-help (for work, gosh). I got the books home, thanks to Heidikins, in a big duffle bag weighing in at 45 lbs.

The damage: 57 books for $76. A sampling of the books follows should you enjoy borrowing.

Eats, Shoots and Leaves

Brave New World

The Known World

Life of Pi

The House on Mango Street

Edgar Allan Poe collected works

The Kite Runner

A Thousand Splendid Suns

Beautiful Boy

All of the Dave Pelzer memorabilia except A Child Called It

Illiad and the Odyssey

Lots of Ramona Quimby

The Joy Luck Club

Things Fall Apart

The Jungle

One Hundred Years of Solitude

Middlemarch

Pride and Prejudice

Ivanhoe

Tess of the D'Urbervilles

Esperanza Rising

A Wrinkle in Time

Hunchback of Notre Dame

Jane Eyre

The Witches

Fantastic Mr. Fox

Odd Girl Out

This was an amazing deal and a fun, fun weekend. Next year we're thinking about camping out through the night.

Whip It!

2010-02-07T14:48:00.003-07:00

Through a series of fortunate events we landed at Roller Derby this weekend. We felt we had the basics down after several viewings of Whip It and we did... but not really. Luckily, we met up with all-star Method of Madness (aka our friend Kat) who plays on another team (Death Dealers). She explained strategy and rules. Getting it made it even more fun! We look forward to seeing this league again and to cheering for our homegirl, Method of Madness (MOM), in the future.

So excited! with Miss J

Nat, Miss J, Em, and me

Blue Steal vs. Black Onyx... Steal wins with over a hundred points to Onyx's 70-something

Method of Madness and me

Quickly taken photo with unseen friends covering me should a skater come at me unawares

I was surprised by how large and in-charge some of the skaters were. And then, also, how small some others were. It wasn't quite, say, hockey-violent, although it was very physical. Mostly it was just a sheer exhibition of athleticism, endurance, and power.

The basic idea behind roller derby is that two jammers, chicks with stars on their helmets, try to lap opposing players who stick together in a pack. Points are given for every opposing play the jammer passes. Players can hip-check and bump shoulders but no elbowing, tripping, or other overtly violent actions. The lead jammer (the one to get out of the pack first) can call off the jam (the round) and a new jam starts. There are about 800 referees at Roller Derby keeping track of any little mistakes. Major mistakes land you in the penalty box for two minutes and the game continues. Of course, there is more to it than what I've just explained but I'm not going to explain it unless you're at a bout (match) with me. Wasatch Roller Derby's season is underway and Salt City (of which Method of Madness is a part) begins 'round April.

I Love It When We're Cruisin Together

2010-02-07T13:41:00.005-07:00

My sibs (minus Fred, sad day) and I took a long-awaited, 5-day cruise to Jamaica and Grand Cayman. We did indeed pass Haiti and Cuba which was surreal to think about considering present circumstances. But the cruise rocked -- highlight were swimming with dolphins, sting rays, and fish. I also hiked Dunn's River Falls, indulged with too much rich food, had fun times with people I love, and stressed out from reading The Hunger Games (not Cruise appropriate, but recommended). Check out the photos below.

The ship -- the Celebrity Century.

The beautiful, clear water of the Caribbean.

Getting some love from my new bestie.

Swimming with dolphins was the thing I had looked forward to most.

Hiking Dunn's River Falls (yes, you hike the water fall) with Mar.

We took jet skis out to Sting Ray City to get to know a friendly family of sting rays and then snorkel (saw many Dorys, no Nemos).

To Tortuga!

K is attempting to make unnecessary fire using a bread stick and frozen butter.

Dinner with Amb and Cole.

Afternoon tea in the suite with J-dawg, K, Amb, and Cole

Language

2010-01-12T19:30:00.004-07:00

So I thought it might be interesting to write a fictional sample of the culture I hear everyday. If I took all the unique vernacular I have been exposed to, along with the misguided use of the English language, you might come up with something like the following. It can be entertaining , sometimes laughable, sometimes sad, sometimes horrifying, and it definitely rubs off at times (tight, trippin', homie). At times I find myself asking, as Professor Henry Higgins did, "Why can't the English teach their children how to speak?"

Below is a totally fictional story. Don't get caught up in the story, enjoy the words.

So, me and the homie G-Money met up with these two fools. It was all gravy. I got a ride with the homie Kevin back home. He had a sack on him and he smoked me out. I think we stopped at someone's house, though, an associate of mine. It was like 2 in the morning. The homie Kevin was totally faded and I couldn't call my parents so I decided to walk home. On my way I saw an enemy and nearly got hopped. I just took off on the quickness. I had to literally watch my back the rest of the way home. I was coming down off the tweak and fiending but I didn't have any more so I just smoked a bowl and went to sleep.

In Addition

2010-01-01T19:58:00.004-07:00

Resolutions are normally things you want to change. I'm not sure I'm into that. I'm more into goals. These are things I want to add to my life.

This year:

1. I'll take the GRE.

2. Read the Old Testament.

3. Exercise twice a week, reevaluate, and then try to bump it up to more times per week.

4. Read more therapy books.

5. Cook meals.

6. Visit all Utah temples. (Salt Lake, Oquirrh Mtn., Draper, Mount Timp, and Provo are already checked off the list.)

7. Take a community class. (Hip hop, French, cooking, drawing, so many options!)

A few of my favorite things... in no particular order

2009-12-27T15:21:00.007-07:00

Taylor Swift (which thing I would have never had supposed)
Taylor Lautner
Alicia Keys
The Hollywood Tower of Terror
Down comforters
The Food Network (so relaxing)
My beach cruiser
My car
My wallet
The Black Apple
President Monson
Space heaters
Hot chocolate
My favorite movies (Step Up 2, Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2, Sense and Sensibility, She's the Man)
Europe -- and my friends there (Anni, Hannu, Hannah, Hanna, Anne, Lea)
Mani-pedis
Thinking about what the future might hold
The temple
The theatre
Josh Groban and Michael Buble

Fortunately -Unfortunately

2009-12-27T15:21:00.001-07:00

Fortunately there was a massive sale at Ikea - wine flutes for $.25 each! I got 16.

Unfortunately I locked my keys in my car.

Fortunately I have AAA.

Unfortunately my phone died mid-call.

Fortunately Ikea had a courtesy phone.

Unfortunately the new AAA lady was not very friendly.

Fortunately there were couches and an Ikea catalogue to entertain myself.

Unfortunately once the locksmith got there it was blasted cold outside.

Fortunately the care opened relatively quickly.

Unfortunately I did not feel like exercising any more (the original after-Ikea plan).

Fortunately I had received the Hannah Montana movie from K and Amber so I watched it instead.

Resolutions!

2009-12-27T15:09:00.003-07:00

Let's review. Last year I said I would:

1. Be healthy.

2. Fall in love.

3. Get to Germany and Paris. Failure is not an option.

4. Be more thoughtful.

5. More family time.

6. Buy a bike.

7. Take advice.

I was healthier. I joined my community gym and went fairly often. I can run for a half hour (of course it is at the same pace I walk but it's progress).

I fell in love! Of course I did not fall in love with a romantic partner as was my intention. I did fall in love with beach cruisers, HSM 3, California Adventure, New Moon, Modern Family, blonde hair, my new roommate Jennica (in a non Broke-Back way), partying even more, farmer's markets, a couple hot chocolate places, Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants books, and I met the D'Orsay.

I did get to Paris and Germany. And Austria. And Toronto. And California. It was a good year for travel.

I'm not sure I was more thoughtful. I'll have to think about it.

I did spend more time with my family, I think. A lot of it, sadly, was due to my father's death. I think we all realized how important we are to each other just a little more. My family had it's up and downs working through my dad's death, but on the whole, I think we did a stellar job. Everyone still loves each other, we may even love each other more.

Bike. Check. Next time I make this resolution, however, I will resolve to get gears. Still I love my little beach cruiser.

Take advice. This did not go so well. I read the magazines but did no follow through. I got a drill for Christmas - maybe that will change something.

Facebook Posts 2009

2009-12-20T22:33:00.002-07:00

Friends

2009-12-20T22:11:00.008-07:00

Friends are just the best ever.

Erika, Leah, Karina, me (yes, I'm blonde), and Heidi

Twilight

2009-11-29T19:39:00.007-07:00

I do not like it. Bella is whiny, entitled. Edward is broody. Also it's poorly written. Like, with people starving and such, the problems in these books are hardly relevant. Also, the titles don't seem -- as far as I can tell -- to correlate with the story-lines. I read Twilight and the first chapter of New Moon, but stopped because Bella was so freakin' annoying. I say if your boyfriend wants to throw you a birthday party, be grateful, shut up and at least pretend that you like it. My goodness. Twilight the movie was entertaining because it was so awful. I laughed and laughed -- oh the cheese! So bad, so bad. I could go on and on.

But I've changed my mind. I. Love. New. Moon.

One word: Jacob. Free association. Umm... Jacob, hot. (But let's go on.) Has a personality, umm, doesn't make stupid breathing noises, doesn't talk about dying without someone, tan, can go on living, is Bella's chronological peer, can fix things, has a life.

Other things I liked: Alice's scarf as she drives a sports car, that there was less Edward, the longs spiel Jessica gives about leprosy and consumerism*, the makeup, that there was less Edward, that there was Jacob, that there was Jacob, that there was less Edward, that there was Jacob, that Bella got rejected a little more and was therefore a little more grateful, the cool scene with all the red (beautiful) in "Italy", that they pointed out that Edward is disturbingly old for Bella, that there was less Edward, that Jacob and Bella didn't have a 24/7 DTR like some folks do, that there was Jacob, the wardrobe, the cool part where Bella gets thrown against the wall and Jasper takes a hit to the wall too, and finally, that it was frankly a really fun movie.

I will now post the funniest lines:

"You give me everything just by breathing." - Edward

"You are the only reason to stay alive... if that's what I am." - Edward

"If this is about my soul, take it. I don't want it without you." - Bella to Edward

"It doesn't make sense for you to love me. I'm human, nothing." - Bella to Edward*

I have hated Twilight for as long as I can remember Twilight existing. And I still find fault with many things (if you couldn't tell). But, thanks to New Moon, I've found a lot of things I really like. I've seen the flick twice.... in one week. And I'd see it again. It was so so so fun to watch. And I find myself thinking about it and chatting about it.

Point: See it, enjoy it, laugh over it, then see it again.

* Blogger's note: Thank you, L-dawg, for finding this quote! "I dont know why you wanted to sit through al those zombies eating people. and no hot guys kissing. It's gross. I mean why are there so many zombie movies anyway? If its suppose to like draw a parallel with like leprosy, my cousin had leprosy, its not funny, ya know? And its suppose to be an awareness for consumerism? 'Cause dont be so pleased with your own like self over ritual clever-ness ya know? Like, some girls like to shop. Not all girls apparently. Even though I was surprised you called at all. Like your depression thing, I get it, like I'm totally totally worried. But after awhile itjust gets old. It's like im going through stuff too. Like Mike just wants us to be friends? It's hard!"

*Blogger's note: All quotes are from DTRs between Bella and Edward. Get rid of Edward = get rid of cheesy lines.

*Blogger's note: The photo is for Miss J and her fav scene.

Detox

2009-11-22T14:40:00.003-07:00

I'm a church-going chick. What I got out of the messages today was that I need to detox. Someone mentioned songs with swearwords and I spent the rest of the class trying to get out a catchy, swearworded phrase from a song out of my head. That's not cool.

Sometimes I have this false believe that because something is produced it must be mainstream and normal. That's like saying that because a restaurant gives you a certain portion, that is how much you should eat.

I like noise. I like my music loud. I like to have a movie going when I clean. I hear the advice to take some time to meditate and I think to myself, like, what would I think about? I think I just don't know how to meditate, really. And I'm thinking I'm not alone.

I think that meditation is where good ideas sprout. I'm reminded of the story about the dude who discovered light/sound (one of..) waves. He watched the waves of a river and wondered about it and, viola, waves are totally in! I wonder what ideas I'm missing out on.

I'm always complaining that I don't have enough time and that I just don't have time for fun things like learning the guitar, or French, or how to cook. But really, sigh, I might just be using that time with media outlets that are totally non-inspiring.

So I deleted a lot of songs from my computer, committed to less TV, and I'm going to make a new effort to chill out and meditate.

Fasting

2009-10-27T22:04:00.002-06:00

I know fasting works. It's been a long and hungry journey to come to this conclusion, but come to it I have. I've fasted a lot. I'm mean, not an abnormal amount, but enough to not look forward to it and to know the "tricks of the trade." (Drinking lots and lots, stay up late and wake up late so you don't feel it as much, stuff like that).

I first fasted before receiving my patriarchal blessing. Good times. Some time later, when I was older, I started fasting more regularly.

As a sophomore in college there was some fiasco with a friend's fiance; I don't quite remember He was being deployed and that was especially bad for some forgotten reason (like the wedding was scheduled after deployment or something). So we all fasted. That's when I learned that chili dogs are not good ever and especially not after a fast. But somehow he didn't get deployed.

On my mission we fasted with Nadja, hoping her parents would be cool with her baptism. I got transferred and a little while later she really did get baptized.

I have this one client that has really been struggling. Like 6 months worth. No clue what to do for him. I put his name on the temple prayer role sometimes. And I fasted for him a couple times. No change. But then, just a few weeks ago, when I'd kind of called it quits, he really started to improve. He has been on the upswing for 6 weeks, which is, like, long enough for me to say he's in "behavioral remission."

On Saturday my mom called and told me that a friend I'd grown up with, Carolyn, was in hospital with H1N1 and pneumonia. Her parents were told to expect the worst. And the ward was fasting so I started one too. And, although we aren't out of the woods yet, she's doing a lot better. They expect to bring her out of the coma tomorrow.

I've had my fair share of lame fasts where I really couldn't see the results or even if there were any results. Of the examples I've named above, some of the fasts I'd forgotten about by the time the desired event happened. Maybe I should write stuff down. Well, I may forget what I fast for, but hopefully I won't forget to fast.

Toronto

2009-10-15T21:23:00.006-06:00

My friend, the Queen, is studying for her Ph.d at York University in Toronto (sounds very sophisticated doesn't it?). My friend Em and I went to visit and see the sites. Good times were had by all. I loved visiting the Queen on her "home turf" and exploring a new city. Famous movies filmed her include Fever Pitch, Mean Girls, My Big fat Greek Wedding, Serendipity, Tommy Boy, and (as mentioned later) X-Men.

Me, Em, and the Queen driving between Buffalo and Toronto

Niagara Falls

Canadian Thanksgiving with me, Britt (actual Canadian), the Queen, Karina (another actual Canadian), and Em

I love, love, love the fall.

Casa Loma. You may recognize it from X-Men.

Milk in a bag. What the.

Toronto temple with the Queen.

CN Tower.

Finally, someone who understands me.

Michael Buble!

St. Lawrence Market -- Pike's Place ain't got nothing on this.

With Em, in flight.

Mr. A to Z

2009-09-27T22:36:00.005-06:00

This weekend CJ and I took the trek to Boise (Nampa) Idaho to partake in the wonder that is Jason Mraz. We were not disappointed.

Oh, the anticipation.

Can you feel what we were feeling? He sang all the Jason standards. Personal favs "You and I," Beautiful Mess" and "Lucky."

Here's Jason on the screen. Our seats were pretty sweet. The big projector helped, though, to capture every moment more fully.

After about an hour of music Jason was done. He came back for no encore despite a lot of cheering. The lights went out. Disappointment filled our hearts. Then, suddenly from behind us we heard music. we left our seats and go very close as we watched from this smaller venue. Bliss.

New Blog

2009-09-20T20:22:00.002-06:00

This blog is kind of like my journal or my scrapbook. And I really love it. But it's personal and really only appeals to people who know me, or friends or friends (sometimes) or creepy voyeurs. So I've made another blog, a more anonymous blog, that is just information -- not journaling or personal photos. Check it out at somethinghrh.blogspot.com.

Millions of Peaches

2009-09-16T20:04:00.005-06:00

Saturdays are special days. And so are Fridays. One Friday my mom and I went up to my grandma's to can peaches. Millions of peaches. For free. Here's how we did it and how you could do it too!

First we bought some peaches. So I guess they weren't free after all. Actually my mom bought them, so they were free to me. I want to teach you all a valuable lesson. Peaches weren't put there by a man in a factory down town, but by my mom at my grandma's.

You fill quart jars with about a half of a cup of sugar. Yum. Then you boil some water and cover the sugar. Swirl it around so the sugar dissolves. This is what makes canned peaches delicious.

Don't forget to skin the peaches. It's easiest to cut the peaches in half along the little crease all peaches have, then take the skin off. You can't cut them into fourths or little bite-sized pieces.

Put in your peaches, concave side down, then fill in the cracks with some more hot water.

Wiped the outsides or else it will be yucky-central.

Get the lids ready for gellin' by boiling then first. You have to separate the lids or they'll melt onto each other. My mom uses a fork to get the lids out, but my grandma used her hands.

Make sure your grandma gets a little upset and worried about what your mom is doing. If she's not a little worried, your peaches probably won't turn out very well because no one was monitoring you for mistakes. Also, it's kind of funny.

Put your bottles into a swell canning container pretty full of water. Keep them in this hot water bath (lid on) for 20 minutes. Shhh, the cans are sealing.

Removed carefully as contents will be hot. You can push down on the lids and the tops should stick. If they bounce back up, no sealing has taken place. You'd better stick those jars in the fridge and eat them first, or it will be super nast. Good luck!

Salt Flats

2009-08-31T20:50:00.003-06:00

In Utah there is flat salt. There are fields of salt. It has the appearance of snow, but, nay, 'tis salt. We (Heidikins and I) drove from SLC about an hour and a half. We stopped off at Salt Air to take some rockin' band photos. I would go on this drive again in a heart beat. No finer company could be had and the imagery was amazing. It is a desolate beauty.

RSL

2009-08-31T20:39:00.006-06:00

Real Salt Lake. As previously posted, I love them. This time I went with my girls and we got to meet "the boys." Check it out.

Jamison Olave

Beckerman!

Me, Heidikins, Leo the Lion, the CJ, and ErinMasi

Beltran - usually has a sweet faux hawk.

CJ and the Fox -- she has a strange relationship with mascots

Point proven. The bear is grooming her.

All the Beautiful Children

2009-08-22T15:17:00.008-06:00

I found a great deal on a flight to visit my brother and sister-in-law in Idaho. This was the first time I've ever visited them by myself. Although there were some bumps getting up there (Trev coming a day early to pick me up at the airport, for example) and the trip was way too short, it was so worth it. And you can tell it from these awesome photos.

My little models. I did everyone's hair. Two barrel-curl girls and one faux-hawk.

The girl can handle it.

Our picnic outside: manti chicken, roasted potatoes, watermelon, and corn on the cob.

Our fearless chef.

The corn came from K-dawg's garden box. Best corn I've ever had -- picked moments before boiling. Fresher it could not be.

C-Bear is "slow to warm up," but then she does. And look how cute it is!

How a Friday got even better

2009-08-08T13:18:00.005-06:00

Friday I was in Target and I saw this beautiful black woman coming towards me. She was with a man, who looked slightly familiar to me. It was Will Swensen and Audra McDonald!

Now, at this point, some of you are freaking out. Not so much over Will Swensen (aka the sell-out from the Single's Ward, now working in NYC in Hair.... and if you know anything about Hair you understand why I call him a sell-out) but over Audra McDonald. My hands indeed began to shake and I could think of nothing else.

For those of you who don't know who Audra is, this next paragraph will help. She's won Grammy award winner, an Emmy award winner, and -most notably - a Tony award winner. In fact, she had 3 Tony awards by age 28. My personal favorites include her performances in Ragtime and Disney's new (and awkwardly historically incorrect) Annie. She's also been in Raisin in the Sun, but I've never seen it. (Currently she's on TV in a rather lame show called Private Practice.)

Will and Audra (who are dating, seriously Audra?) are in town apparently rehearsing for a show at the Hale.

No one else seemed to know what was going on. I walked around Target, pretending I was having reception problems, in order to get my camera phone high enough to take a photo. I called up Miss J to freak out together, who attempted to rush to Target and get a glimp but was too slow.

They were parked, like, one car over from me. I have a rather noticeable car. I don't think they realized that I was taking photos of them from my car (photos did not make it in to the blog) but if they did, then they now know that the chick in the yellow PT is a freak.

In short, it was a really great day.

PS22

2009-08-02T19:21:00.003-06:00

Move over Von Trapps, PS22 "rawks my socks" (as my 17 year-old nephew would say). I don't know who this teacher is but he is amazing! And the kids are amazing. I've never heard kids that can sing like this. Here's their version of Viva la Vida, but you can go to the website and see much more.

Zum Geburtstag Viel Glück

2009-08-02T18:32:00.005-06:00

In mid-July I turned 26. I found at deal on a hotel and the night before my birthday I stayed over alone. It was soooooo enjoyable! I spent the first fifteen minutes in the hotel alone just jumping around and squealing to myself. I turned on the TV (which had fantastic picture quality) and what was on? Nothing less than one of my favorite movies - Sister of the Traveling Pants II. I cried with Bee, swore I'd never reject a man with a British accent, wondered if I could get away with a wig, and wished that I lived in Greece always.

In the morning I went into town in search of breakfast. I had hot chocolate and a nutella-banana crepe and did some quick shopping. I felt on top of the world, doing exactly those things that make me happiest. It was like God said, "Hey, Happy Birthday - I got a day for you with all the coolest things packed into it!"

After breakfast I spent some time in peaceful meditation. I evaluated life (I'm for it), and set goals. For a while I've felt really chaotic, especially at work. During this time (and in the couple weeks since) I felt leagues more centered and focused in life.

I'm converted. I'm doing this every year and I've been recommending it to everyone.

In the afternoon friends met me for a fun afternoon. We went to the Olympic Park. We rode the ski lift, sped down the alpine slide, and experienced the world's steepest zip line.

We watched ski jumpers practice. We messed around with a neglected and apparently unattended bobsled, after seeing someone really go down the track.

We went shopping. Number of items purchased by girls: 0. Number of items purchased by men: many. And a special thanks to Isaac who put on skinny jeans just because it was my birthday.

At night even more friends met us at a restaurant for a birthday feast. It meant a lot to me to see how many stellar people wanted to celebrate with me.

That night, a couple friends stayed in the hotel with me. We projected a movie on the wall. What movie, you might ask? None other than another favorite of mine - High School Musical III: Senior Year.

Could life be more perfect? I submit that it could not.

The Night Routine

2009-07-20T21:37:00.003-06:00

So I promise myself on a daily basis that I will go to bed earlier, due to the daily hangover that greets me every morning. But I don't. At night I putter around. I do this and that. Check Facebook, email, and my friends' blogs. Then I have to chat with the roommates, get a bite to eat, wash my face, check everything online again, read a little, brush my teeth. Finally I go to sleep, promising myself to do better the next day.

Fourth of July

2009-07-06T07:40:00.010-06:00

On the Fourth of July most people go to parades. I was IN one! Miss J works for the local Uni and Kate and I volunteered to pass out candy and tattoos with her. This car holds the land record for El Caminos -- sweet.

Once we were out of stuff Miss J and I rode, but not Kate. No Kate got commitments from small children that they will go to university. And she inspired adults that it's "not too late."

Yum! Lunch on the Uni and time with super fun new friends!

Every year LaVell Edward's Stadium becomes the Stadium of Fire (cue cheesy music). On a spur-of-the-moment decision Stranilla and I bought tickets off this 70-something "scalper." The show featured Glen Beck and SheDaisy and... The Jonas Brothers!

Kevin Jonas

Joe Jonas -- of whom I later dreamed.

And finally, Nick Jonas.

After shakin' like we just don't care, singing along to S.O.S, Burning Up, Paranoid, Year 3000 (trippy lyrics) and LoveBug, the fireworks began. Ooo, ahhh. Delightful.

Real Salt Lake

2009-07-06T07:30:00.006-06:00

I generally don't like team sports. Baseball and football are too slow. Basketball just isn't interesting too me. But soccer. Soccer's sweet. A couple of weeks ago I got to go to a Real Salt Lake game at the new Rio Tinto Stadium. I sat next to my niece in some pretty sweet seats.

The RSL team on the bench.

My niece shook her drink then looked at me in surprise when it spilled all over her. The bathroom I was directed to was actually a locker room. My niece was having way to much instead of cleaning herself up. I used the time to take random photos of myself.

The team played Toronto and won 3-0. I guess I'm good luck. ;)

Glee

2009-06-24T21:29:00.004-06:00

The Queen of Nonsense told me to check out this new series. She described it as High School Musical in TV format. It is not; though there is singing. I watched it with Kate who wondered if the lead chick was supposed to be the "blonde girl" from HSM. So don't think HSM. It will only confuse you.

Only the pilot is available (the rest comes in the fall). It has a fun cast of characters and a tight plot. There are some normal characters (see the lead guy and the teacher) and some abnormal ones (see gym teacher and the wife). The plot is modern and relevant. Although there is singing and dancing, it's not cheesy or sentimental. The main character (teacher) is good looking and (thus or also?) very likable. It not super drama (like OC or all the other teen shows) and it's not a sitcom.

Check out this clip of Journey's Don't Stop Believin' and also this link of Amy Winehouse's Rehab.

While we mourn the loss of Pushing Daisies and while this is completely different from Pushing Daisies and could never take its place, I will be watching this fall.

*Side note: guest starring this season are Josh Groban and Kristin Chenoweth! Could life get better; I submit it could not.

Observations

2009-06-14T18:49:00.003-06:00

I was at Bed, Bath, and Beyond and noticed a sign that read "Your choice - $19.99" with a myriad of colors of a kitchen item (the "Beyond" portion of the store). I thought this was very generous of them. I just hate stores where you give them money and they give you something you didn't choose at all.

Sitting at a stoplight a noticed a man with an interesting nose. This got me to thinking: an odd nose can really mess up a perfectly good face.

The Tanners (of Full House) had a pretty big back yard for living in a town home. In fact, I'm pretty sure they parked in the neighbor's yard. Come to your own conclusion about their neighborhood plan here.

I said "What's up"

2009-06-08T20:54:00.005-06:00

It was my first week in Germany. We stopped everyone on the streets. "Hallo! Wie geht's?" I asked an older gentleman. He gave me a strange look and replied. "You don't ask people you don't know how they're doing," Crolace explained to me.

In America How-Are-You is synonymous with Hi, Hello, or any other greeting. No one expects a reply. I recall many conversations, passing friends on the way to and from university, and saying, "Hey, what's up?" to be answered with, "Hey, what's up?" and we walk on.

And at the time I didn't mind, but since living in Germany I side with the Germans -- don't say things you don't mean.

So, naturally I've stopped asking. But not everyone has gotten the memo. The receptionist at work never fails to ask.

"Good morning!" I say.

"Good morning!" she says.

I'm almost out of sight. "How are you?" It is like she is waiting for me to ask first and then refuses to let it go.

"Fine," I call back. Does she really want me to round the corner back and have a heart-to-heart? I doubt it.

The only time I do like the question, or rather a version of the questions is this. Instead of saying, "Tell so-and-so I said hi" I like to say "Tell so-and-so I said what's up." I think it's cuter than hi.

So if I don't ask you how are you it's because, at least at that moment, I don't want to know. And if I do ask, I'm not just greeting you.

Music

2009-06-05T20:42:00.005-06:00

Got the most exciting text from my mom and it was as follows: Josh is going to be on channel 11 @ 7. (I know! My mom used the @ symbol.) So I rushed home and enjoyed all my favorite songs. Honestly, though I own every CD and DVD, I rarely listen to Josh; yet every time I do I just can't help but feel cheerful. He sang Lullaby and Weeping, both of which have an African vibe... not African-American but Africa Africa - as in South. Most of his songs have some international flare but these two are especially meaningful to me for some reason. These two songs especially remind me that there is a big world out there.

Music does that. It points out that there is a world beyond us. It gives us a chance to be in a space different than where we are. Through music we connect to distant people, ideas, and emotions.

Not that everything I listen to is intensely meaningful and profound. I could not argue that there is much to gain from the JoBros and I don't profess to really "get" the musical genius of Cold Play. What I do get from music is a varied experience. I can grow, if only emotionally, from it. For a moment I'm elsewhere in someone else's life. I'm in Germany with Xavier Naidoo, in a London pub with Mika, in some smoky cafe with Matt Nathanson, at some venue in Long Beach with Sublime, then to 1960's Baltimore with Tracy Turnblad. I can synthesize their experiences -- expressed through music -- into mine.

Paradoxically, music is a way for me to express or, rather, tap into my many sides. I listen to my Kanye before I got out on the town and Sissel on cool autumn days. There's Jesse McCartney for that leaving-work excitement ("Don't stress, don't stress, don't stress") and Claire de Lune for dinner time. We the Kings for the inner-teenager and John Mayer and Jason Mraz when I'm just being me.

It's almost as if my mom could have texted "Ben Folds/ Paramore/ Beach Boys / Michael Buble

is on" and I would have also expanded my world view while tapping into myself. Music just does that.

My Dad

2009-05-31T17:52:00.005-06:00

On May 17th my dad died peacefully in his sleep. When I was in fifth grade he brought me a load of candy to my read-a-thon. I first saw the Little Mermaid and Evita and Sense and Sensibility with him (and also the Truth about Cats and Dogs, but I'm trying to forget that). He paid for the damage when I drove into my friends' garage door. I talked him into buying a ferret for himself, which I don't think he ever really liked. He took me on my first real trip to Disneyland. He told me I should be a librarian -- which made me laugh. He slipped me money every once in a while. He bought me a really ugly and expensive sweater. He rode the brake whenever he drove. He paid for college. He enjoyed shopping and paperwork.

I'm happy for him because now he isn't sick anymore. He can be who he always wanted to be, without the barriers of his body. I'm really going to miss him.

Trip to Europe

2009-05-31T16:45:00.004-06:00

A few weeks ago I returned from my much-anticipated holiday to Germany, Austria, and France.

We began in my mission stomping grounds in Frankfurt. We met up with Anni and Hannu (left), wonderful friends who happened to be in town from Finland, to tour Palmengarten and hang out at

Römer.We shopped on Frankfurt's Ziel (right) and traipsed around Mainz and Mainz-Kastel, where I spent the first three months of my mission.

Next we journeyed to Würzburg taking in the fortress and local Residenz (below). We loved the hotel there, Abs in Postkurcherl,

and would recommend it to everyone. We stayed just one night in Middle-of-Nowhere, Germany -- aka Oberammergau -- a couple hours outside of Munich. When the black plague stopped just short of Oberammergau the citizens, in gratitude to God, staged a 5-hour (yes, 5 hours! with a dinner break) passion play. It is now performed every ten years -next in 2010. In the meantime the city houses numerous tourists and woodcarvers.

We wandered around and also toured Schloss Lindorf (right)-- a sister palace to Neuschwanstein, aka Sleeping Beauty's castle. That night I became addicted to Germany's version of Top Model a la Heidi Klum.

We traveled then to the most musical city of all, Salzburg in Austria, meeting up with Hannah. First item of business -- Sound of Music Tour (below at Mirabell palace, where some of the Do-Re-Mi shots were filmed).

We also toured the famous Fortress, the Mozart cites, the beautiful old city, Schloss Hellbrunn with it's trick fountains, and even happened upon an international music festival.

After an overnight train with two interesting bedfellows we made it to Paris. In a whirlwind tour, we saw all the major sites -- Eiffel Tower, Notre Dame, the river Seine, Montmantre, the Louvre, and the inside of the d'Orsay museum.

I love the greeness of the area, the mustard fields, the gaudy beauty of the castles, the escape from "real" life, all of it made for a great trip.

Anecdotes

2009-05-01T21:39:00.002-06:00

The kid was a perpetual liar. Everything he said was unbelievable. But he just would not confess that none of it was true -- perhaps because he actually did believe the stories. He was from LA and talked about wrestling alligators. When boasting of his awesome Mexican cooking skills, I asked him if he could make Swedish meatballs. "Of course," he said and I wondered if he had heard me say "Swedish." He told us about how he got ran over by a car -- sometime in between the story about working construction and being manager at a hotel -- and I just couldn't take it any more. "I got ran over too... by a jumbo jet... it was the Concord at LaGuardia airport! After which I jumped on a train trestle and was subsequently run over." "But you're not dead," another kid --who just didn't get it -- piped up. "I know," I said with false sincerity, "That's the miracle of it." The kids just laughed as if I had made a joke we all understood. No, I was mocking the liar.

I hadn't read As You Like It but I was very excited to be seeing it at our local theatre. A little nervous too. It is Shakespeare after all, and I tend to understand it not based on the dialogue but rather on the action, as if watching a cartoon in Urdu. We stood in line to get our will-call tickets and there he was. He wore khaki pants, a blue sweater, and a baseball cap. Not as tall as I had imagined. Holy Hannah Montana, it was Edward Herrmann, aka Richard Gilmore. I had to move so I could respectfully "freak out" away from his celebrity glare. I watched him throughout the evening and contemplated and chickened out several times about approaching him. He was there alone but must have known someone in the cast because he was pulled into the action with Audrey (a character) doing a very silly dance that he seemed to already know. Frankly I was surprised his body was so agile -- he isn't a young buck, you know. The baseball cap was an odd accessory to the outfit so I can only guess he did not really want attention. The man must be recognized everywhere -- if not by Gilmore fans then by fans of something he's done in his nearly 40 years of acting. I did not approach. But I do have a good story.

Seen

2009-04-12T22:41:00.002-06:00

Odd things seen in a hours drive from Provo to American Fork:

1. The Easter Bunny. A rather large, presumably faux fur Easter Bunny was jumping around outside of a boutique on University Ave. A small child hopped furiously with the Bunny.

2. My father. I turned down a small side street and realized it was a wrong turn, but my dad was two cars in front of me. We pulled over, said hi, and went on our way.

3. On the side of a truck: "Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee." Brain explosion. That is in no way not difficult grammar. Gotta sit down and ponder on this on.

Krank

2009-03-29T20:32:00.002-06:00

I've been sick this weekend. I guess that whatever the boys have I can know that I'll eventually get it. Being sick is the pits in general. Pain is the pits in general. However there can be some perks to illness. Namely, Friday night I was allowed to spend nearly 8 hours doing nothing but watching Goal (hot, hot, hot) and TV. Saturday I attempted to rest but decided to take in a play and basketball game, both of which were enjoyable (well, all four acts of The Importance of Being Earnest was a bit long) and tiring. Yet the music at the game was so inspiring that I can home and watched the first half of Step Up 2. If only I could dance like that. *Sigh* Well, maybe after the resurrection. So Sunday I also vegged out to the Princess Diaries 2. My room is a mess and I've done nothing of real value. And there is no guilt. That is the ultimate perk -- guilt free gluttony and laziness.

Abundant Life

2009-03-13T19:23:00.006-06:00

I've been able to have some fantastic experiences in the past couple weeks. Sometimes I get into his mode were I mourn that I wasn't more rebellious as a teen (odd, I know) but when I look at photos of my very abundant life, Friday night movies at 15, 16, and 17 don't actually seem that awful. I'm still exciting and interesting.

First was my nephew Isaac's baptism in Idaho. I drove up with my sister and stayed two nights. I really enjoyed chillaxing with my too-much-fun family.

My dear friend Vali and I went out to dinner. I knew her when I lived in Germany (when she was just 15! Five years ago!) but she's living this year in New York as an au pair. The family was in SLC to ski. We stayed out way too long for a Wednesday, but she's one of those people with whom you can just keep talking and talking. And she was nice enough to listen to my disintegrating German the whole night although her English is beyond perfect.

My homegirls and I took a trip to St. George. We stayed with K-dawg, our newest awesome friend. The weather was warmish. We hiked through beautiful red rocks, ate at In-n-Out (Utah's only), sang karaoke at a Hawaiin BBQ spot, and bowled in Mesquite. Homegirls is chill, as in: tons of fun and no drama.

I went camping with my boys at Heber Valley camp. I don't think anyone realized it was an LDS campground -- that the lady showing us around was Sister Lockhart, that we stayed in campground Lucy Mack Smith, and that a sign going out of the campground said "Stand for Truth and Righteousness." We cross-country skied (a first for me) and snowshoed, like, up the side of a mountain. The boys are so much fun when they are being obedient and normal. Rarities, indeed.

I became vegetarian for Lent. I know I'm not Catholic but it's a fun thing to try.

I booked a flight to Germany! I'm going in May with my mom. We'll hit Frankfurt and Berlin in Germany to visit sites and friends, then down to Salzburg. I love Salzburg. We'll hit some Mozart sites, and the Sound of Music Tour (can't miss it!), all in company of the incomparable Hannah, my girl from the mish. Then well head to the city I've been trying to get to for years -- Paris holds the key to my heart! I can't want to visit the d'Orsay.

Abundant indeed.

One step ahead

2009-03-02T22:25:00.002-07:00

The longer I'm a therapist the more I realize that I am just one step ahead of my clients. The margin is scarily narrow. It's like God sends me the information I'm gonna need just the day before I need it. And I find myself working in themes like: positive outlook, mourning, creating an identity. And I stick with them for, like, a whole week.

And sometimes the angel that is supposed to send the message gets swamped and I'm not ahead of my clients at all. Case in point, I told one of my clients that if he was going to throw a fit he should get down on the ground. He then pointed out that when I got a little upset in group therapy, I did not throw my tantrum on the ground. And he was right. I threw my tantrum standing up. Client 1: Megan 0.

And with all of my insecurities and the sure knowledge that I am winging most of what I do, I have moments where my clients let me know I haven't completely messed them up. Today a mom whose son is discharged wrote to me about the struggles of having her son home. At the end of her email she just wrote, We miss you. *Wipe the tear.*

We are all doing the best we can. And we're all still just working at it. We're just people.

We should only judge those stupid enough to end up on TV. ;)

Valentine's Day 2009

2009-02-17T20:17:00.011-07:00

Valentine's Day is my favorite holiday, in case you didn't know. My supervisor said it was a financial ploy made up by the card and candy companies to make money. Poppycock. From what I read it has to do with Christian martyrs named Valentine and gets associated with love by none other that Chaucer -- long before greeting Hallmark or conversation hearts were invented...

I really wanted to celebrate so I had three parties. On Friday we got the girls in our ward together to eat food and tell bad date stories -- the equals of which I have not heard. Our merriment was interrupted by the announcement that some of our cars had been defiled by Saran wrap and toilet paper. The perps are still at large and considered to be stinky and have stale food.

On Saturday afternoon I hosted a fancy-schmancy Tea Party. We drank tea, had little sandwiches, scones, and chocolate covered strawberries.

That evening I went to SLC with Kate, Rhiannon, and Julia for a night of fun and adventure. We ate at The Dodo. Can you say yummy? We told secrets, laughed, and really, really enjoyed the eats. We stayed at the Little America where we fully embraced the hot tub, tried to embrace the indoor/outdoor pool, and wanted to marry the sauna. We stayed up late for a flick and fell into the deep sleep of the worn-out. In the morning we took in Music and the Spoken Word and sauntered back to reality.
I felt the love!

Pleasure in the Written Word

2009-02-10T21:48:00.004-07:00

I should be reading all about DBT in preparation for a group I'm in. I have a lot of motivation to do this because my supervisor, on a number of occasions, has said, "That Marsha Linehan could have used a good editor. The first two chapters are really wordy." So you can understand haste I feel to read it.

So instead I realized I have time to read something I am interested in -- Girls in Pants, the Third Summer of the Sisterhood by Ann Brashares. I love the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants series! This is where Kate roles her eyes and also tells me I can also watch Step Up 2 alone.

The books are well written as far as those types of books are. By those types I mean books that have no other agenda other than pleasure.

I love my Great Gatsby and A Tree Grows in Brooklyn and A Separate Peace -- but those books are thinkers; you are supposed to be edified or learn something or something like that. The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, less so. No English teachers will feature these books but I think they are completely enjoyable.

Other enjoyable books are as follows:

Are You There God It's Me Margaret by Judy Blume. While entertaining, I must own that it changed my life.

Fifteen and the Luckiest Girl by Beverly Cleary. I've read these over and over.

The Harry Potter series by JK Rowling. Although it was magical (no pun intended) and emotional.

Catherine Called Birdie by Karen Cushman.

All-of-a-Kind Family series by Sydney Taylor . Never wanted to be Jewish more in my life.

What are you "pure entertainment" picks?

I want that too

2009-02-02T23:21:00.005-07:00

Not sure what brought on this post. Just a random thought, not to be taken too too seriously.

Telling a single person, such as myself, to get with the program and fall in love is like unto:

Telling an infertile couple to try harder

Telling a starving child to go get a sandwich

Telling a teacher to make a million

Telling William Hung to win American Idol

All of us want what our advice givers want. We're doing all we can. But it's just not like grocery shopping. Some things are out of our control when it comes right down to it. I wish the focus would change from convincing people they should do what they already want to do and just focus on things that are in our control and are going well. I'm dealing with it in my way. Please do your best, dear friends, to not point out how out of control it is by asking me to control the impossible-to-control.

Some unhelpful, well-intentioned things:

"I don't understand why you aren't married" (yeah, me neither)

Depending on who it's coming from - "I have someone to set you up with" (says to me, "You must be doing something wrong so I'll fix it)

"You need to get with the program" (is that what I'm supposed to be doing? never occurred to me)

"I just wish you could get married" (yeah, me too -- what are you expecting me to say?)

Some helpful, well-intentioned things:

"You look hot"

"What's up?"

"Did you see The Office?" (no seriously, it was hilarious)

"I love you"

I don't want this to be a wo-is-me post, because that is not how I approach life -- see below. This is just a random post about a fact that's kind of a big deal to me. Like, I'm doing and thinking about other stuff, but, yeah, I'd really like to be in love and even married. And I'm not weird for wanting that because I was built that way. But, like I said, I'm not, like, sitting around waiting for Prince Charming (because, with a name like that, he's probably gay) so don't get the wrong idea about this post.

I'm going to go to bed now. If nothing else, we all can sleep -- medically induced or otherwise. :)

Blessed

2009-01-29T22:03:00.005-07:00

I often repeat myself. I do it in therapy. There seems to be themes or "kicks" I go on. One theme that continual arises is that of positivity. Like, when did negative thinking every help anyone out of a bind? I think some people are addicted to feeling like crap. It's such a crucial part of their identity and way of getting pitiful attention, that even if they could give it up, they wouldn't.

I have an awesome co-therapist, Eric. And I could just sit as his feet and catch all the pearls of wisdom that role from his tongue. This week he made an awesome point in a group therapy. No matter what has happened to you in life, you have to take responsibility for it. If my childhood was so messed up that I can barely function and it was not in any way my fault, I still have the responsibility to go to therapy, daily if needed, get the right meds, reads all the books, and do whatever it takes to make myself well. It's not my fault that my life sucks (maybe) but it is my fault if things aren't taken care of.

Today I just had an experience with a person that is do hell-bent on feeling like #$%^ that I want to murder this person and say "Tell me now what sucks." And this person is doing a grand total of squat to take care of things. So I have about a poop's worth of empathy. This is the place in my story where my supervisor refers to DBT and tells me that all people are doing their best... maybe they need to do better, he says, but they're doing their best.

Swear words. Radical acceptance.

I'm not speaking about people with serious illness. I understand depression. I really do. I'm talking about something else (although depressed people have the responsibility to take care of that too). I struggle to accept people who make it everyone else's job to keep them happy. It's entitlement. It's never being satisfied with what you have. Look around, sister/brother, you don't deserve any of it. We all don't. You are so focused on what God hasn't given you, that you ignore what He has given you. Enjoy the misery but please don't tell me about it.

There is so much good in life. And you, dear friend, have it so good. You are asleep right now and not worried about if you will eat tomorrow, or if you will be caught in the cross-fire, or if your government will suddenly decide that they'd be better off if you were dead. You aren't worried that your dad is going to come into your room tonight and mess up all the intimate relationships you may ever have. You know where every single family member is right now. Every limb works. You can be whatever you want to be because your brain functions at a high capacity. You have expendable cash. Your family loves you. You have free time to sit around feeling sorry for yourself. There is gorgeous snow and in a few months, beautiful flowers, and warm summer evenings, and clouds and sunsets, and dirt, and the smell of freshly cut grass or when the heater comes on for the first time that season. You aren't thinking that your husband is going to leave you, that your kids will despise you. You aren't alone somewhere waiting to die; you just live like you are. Your house is warm in the winter and cool in the summer. I could go on but I'm about to get into my large, warm bed, and sleep soundly so I can have energy at my job that I love.

I hope you can see the beauty that is already around you. One day. And when you do, I'd love to talk.

Rejected!

2009-01-25T23:15:00.003-07:00

So tonight I got rejected for the first time. I know, crazy. What was he thinking? Yeah, and I've never been honestly and assuredly rejected.

I've been, in a sick way, looking forward to rejection. It means I get Ben and Jerry's and I can cry and it's like one of my favorite episodes of Gilmore, when Rory and Dean are broken up and Rory refuses to wallow but then she kisses Tristan and decides to wallow after all.

Tonight wasn't exactly that night however. It just wasn't that bad and I'd feel kind of stupid crying over something so small for drama's sake. But I did talk to Kate for a while and began crying as I related the following story.

What I was about 15 or so, I really wanted pizza one day. Out of the blue. I thought and thought about how I could get some pizza but just couldn't figure anything out. But I really wanted pizza so I cried. Big elephant tears I cried. My mom came into my room and saw my big tears.

"What is the matter?!"

I looked up at her to explain, "I just really want some pizza."

And she got me pizza. And everything was fine.

I guess tonight all my 15-year old emotions came back. I remembered how I felt that day that I really wanted pizza (for no apparent reason) and then my mom was merciful enough to get it to me.

Why have I told these two stories together? I tell them because they happened chronologically. Or is the pizza now just a metaphor for what I lost tonight? Is this just happenstance?

Unless you're a Freudian, it was happenstance.

Inauguration

2009-01-20T22:09:00.002-07:00

Today President Obama was inaugurated (a word which is very difficult to spell). I enjoyed watching it because of many reasons but my favorite reason is unity. Just like at the Opening Ceremonies for the Beijing Olympics, today everyone was unity and cheerful about one thing. I like that. So often we concentrate we disagree on and are unhappy with. Today everyone could just be happy.

If you were wondering about some other reasons -- I really like the President's speech and even quoted several things later on in the day during a group I ran. I like Michelle Obama's wardrobe and what the little girls wore too. So Jackie O. It must be recognized. I have a lot of hope for this presidency. Although I don't agree with everything (I doubt anyone does) I agree with a lot, if not most.

Will Guatanamo be closed tomorrow?

Elna Baker

2009-01-13T20:58:00.005-07:00

Above is part of the standup comedy routine of Elna Baker. I first heard of her this Sunday while I was listening to a piece she had done (scroll to the bottom of the link to find her piece) on This American Life. At the end of the piece, This American Life publicized her new book The New York Regional Mormon Singles Halloween Dance. Mormon? My interest was peeked and sure enough, she's LDS.... and practicing.

I was stoked because -- according to what I can find on the internet -- she is also a fairly successful comedian -- as in, she actually is a working comedian. She uses religion as a main joke but I don't think it comes off mocking and apologetic to her "quirks".... just as a funny part of her. Watch the clip and notice that she acts like she's giving a funny talk. She's definitely a Mormon. Check it out and let me know what you think.