The Office

Would I rather be loved or feared? That's easy -- both. I want people to fear how much they love me.

Casual Fridays

It was my first Friday on the job. I wore a skirt and boots because that it what I wanted to wear. I was told by my supervisor and the therapist whose caseload I am taking that "Fridays are casual."
Casual.
Because somehow Fridays don't count.
People don't judge on Fridays.
Respect is not garnered on Fridays.
Fridays we show the personality we hide the rest of the week.
Nothing important happens on Friday.
I actually think these two were saying, "Wear jeans."
Jeans are a misunderstood article of clothing. Traditionally work attire, the jean is now staple of most wardrobes but the stylistically misinformed relegate all demin articles to "casual wear." Are you going to tell someone in jeans and heels that they are underdressed?
Paradoxically, khaki anything is ok when it shouldn't be. No one should ever wear a carpeter pant in any situation, but lets say I went into a dissociative fugue and wore it. Now, if it were khaki I don't think anyone would think twice about it. But if it were demin it is no-no. This is a gross fashion injustice.
I dress how I would like my own therapist to dress. If she can't put herself together, how is she going to put me together? I dress well because impressions and gaining respect never take a day off. I don't dress well Monday through Thursday because the company says to in vague terms. No. I dress well all days of the week because it's who I am. I'm not a slob in cognito until Friday, but a professional who can find herself in a well-dressed world.

Jane Austen

I was in Border's bookstore and found a display of all things Austen, minus anything Jane Austen actually wrote. There were three or four different authors who had published "fan fiction" detailing the aftermath of Pride and Prejudice. There is the Jane Austen Book Club movie coming out, Becoming Jane (which I liked), and Kiera Knightly's attempt at Elizabeth Bennett. Austen is very "in" right now.
I'd like to state that I knew Jane Austen when. I knew her before all these people figured out what a genius she is.
Another point worthy of note, Jane Austen wrote some very good books that aren't Pride and Prejudice. In fact, my favorite Austen books are the darker ones -- Mansfield Park and Persuasion. (Ok, Persuasion isn't dark but it is decidely different from the others because Anne is older and the lovers are already in love.) My favorite Austen movie is Sense and Sensibility.
Most Austen fans in my acquaintance realize she wrote other books. I want to compare the characters of the books.
The heroin seems to be mostly observers, calm, and rational; the only exception is Emma Woodhouse -- she is the anti-observer, much to everyone's annoyance. Anne Elliot, Fanny Price, Elinor Dashwood, Elizabeth Bennet, Catherine Morland are the most likeable characters and always the heroins.
Quirky, annoying characters are a must also. Sometimes they are comic relief and sometimes comedy relieves us from the characters. These characters are what critics are referring to when they say that Austen was able to realistically portray famly life. Although (and hopefully) exaggerated, we all know someone or multiple someones who are like the oddball Austen characters. From Sense and Sensibility, you have the meddling mother-in-law Mrs. Jennings, Mrs. Palmer (Mrs. Jennings' daughter whose own husband can't stand her); from Mansfield Park we are acquainted with Lady Betram who is incredibly naive, drugged, and oblivious, Mr. Rushworth for whom we feel very sorry but we are glad he has his landscaping; in Emma and apart from Emma herself, we laugh at Mr. Woodhouse's hypochodria, Mr. Elton's awkward attempts at courting, Mrs Elton's offensive assumption of her belongingness, Miss Bates' perfectly and endearingly annoying everything; in Pride and Prejudice one thinks first and foremost about Mrs. Bennett, then goes from there to Mr. Collins, and even Mary Bennett's piety; Persuasion introduces us to Anne's sister Mary Musgrove (played by Emma's Miss Bates ... who in real life in Emma Thompson's sister ... and Emma played Elinor in Sense and Sensibility... seven degrees of Kevin Bacon anyone?), Sir Walter Elliot is so annoying and offensive that he is very disagreeable; and lastly from Northanger Abbey we have Isabella Thorpe (also very whiney and self-centered), John Thorpe who can be catergorized with Mr. Elton and Mr. Collins although not clergy and General Tilney for making a fool of himself in the mix-up that is the book.
Every herion needs a second. This is someone who is sympathetic and also reasonable. From Northanger Abbey it is Eleanor Tilney; in Pride and Prejudice you can pick between Charlotte Lucas and Jane Bennet; For Emma it is Miss Smith, or perhaps it is Emma who seconds Miss Smith, or more likely it is Mrs. Weston, who is more reasonable than Emma herself; for Mansfield Park you have Fanny's correspondence with her sister Susan and perhaps even the hero, Edmund; For Persuasion it could be Lady Russell but is more like Mrs. Smith or one of the Musgroves if not Mr. Musgrove; In Sense and Sensibility Elinor needs Marianne (who could be a heroin herself but I indentify with Elinor and therefore she is the heroin).
What about the villains! Austen usually makes all the charismatic and likeable characters the villains by the end. Watch: In Pride and Prejudice we are decieved by Wickham, but we are equally irate due to the antics of Lydia and the Bingley sisters or even Catherine De Bourgh; Sense and Sensibility has the tricky Willoughby and the evil Mrs. John Dashwood (and her husband and even brother); Persuasion's villains are cousin Mr. Elliot (again, not what he seems at first), and perhaps Anne's family and even Lady Russell ... at least ten years before the book begins; Emma's villains are subtler -- Frank Churchill, even Jane Fairfax, maybe Mrs. Elton, and at one point (from Emma's perspective) Miss Smith; Mansfield Park gives us Mariah Betram, and Mr. and Miss Crawford and even Lord Betram for his crimes in the West Indies; In Northanger Abbey, General Tilney, although he is not pure evil just mistaken.
We cannot forget the heros, the love-interests, because they make ever Austen novel worth reading. Like the villains, the heros are often not what they appear. And they are somehow unobtainable: Darcy is too proud, Wentworth has changed his mind, Ferrars is engaged, Edmund is too high and mightly in his family's eyes, Brandon is too old and boring, and Knightley is uninterested and too much like a brother, Tilney is uninterested. Mr. Darcy (let's begin with the most popular) is apparently arrogant but in the end he is generous and self-sacrificing; Edward Ferrars is engaged to that twit Lucy Steele -- but shows us his integrity and sense of duty, yet Elinor wins out in the end; and if you think that Marianne is a hero, then Colonel Brandon is quiet and yet so true and kind that any woman would want him (all Harry Potter images aside); Mr. Tilney, like Edmund Betram, is a lowly clergyman who seems unreachable but is obtained in the end; can I say enough about Edmund Betram? Forget that he and Fanny are kissing cousins and remember the line, "I've loved you as a man loves a woman. As a hero loves a heroine. As I have never loved anyone;" who can forget Captain Wentworth's letter of constancy?; and Mr Knightley goes from best friend to husband when Emma thought there was no chance whatsoever.
What other characters from Austen do you love or love to hate?

Kid Nation

I love watching the Biggest Loser because I feel really inspired by it. I am inspired by another new show. Today I caught the first episode of a highly controversial CBS show called Kid Nation. The premise is a lot like Lord of the Flies. CBS sends 40 kids, ages 8 to 15, to a ghost town and watches what happens in 40 days. The idea is to see what kids would do without adults.
I think I may need to watch another episode.
Kids are amazing. I think they are a lot smarter than we give them credit for. Kids actually help other kids -- and even cheer for the other team. At times when I, the adult, would have swooped down and saved the day, some eight year-old fixes the issue like nobody's business. CBS chose kids from all walks of life which proves essential when it comes to milking goats and cooking. One part I really enjoyed is from Day One when all the kids are arguing and shouting and bullying (watch it here) and can't seem to figure out what to do. Then one kid, Michael, steps up and gives a speech about how everyone needs to work together. All the other kids begin clapping and Michael stands there with a huge grin on his face. It was like the end of some kid's show about a sports team and the hero somehow defeated all his demons. The kids are really inspiring.
Also interesting... Sophia decides she needs money.
Well, it's not exactly Lord of the Flies. The Host of the show, a real adult, gives instructions and CBS is able to set up a caste system of sorts and give challenges (think Survivor Immunity Challenge). And every so often some one wins $20,000. What I really didn't like was all the network interference. They claim that they are letting the children run amok but they aren't. It's controlled. They set up the system so that we can see good ol' human nature play out. And it does. The moment CBS divides the kids into "us" and "them," crime -- vandalism to be exact -- appears. I guess it could all be a study on human nature.
Now people are saying that it's not good for the kids. After watching one episode I am hardly an expert, however I think this show isn't any more dangerous --emotionally, physically, or otherwise -- than summer camp. The kids aren't unsupervised. Hello? Are the camera people kids too? The kids cry, critics say. And they never cry at home? Life is pain sometimes.
Some people say that it will make parents and children believe that parenting is obsolete. That's poppycock. Kids are kids and they are programmed to need parents and the kids know they need parents. I hope nobody I know is stupid enough to fall for this argument.
If anything the show empowers the kids because they find out how much they can do.

No drug references

I went to dinner at the Olive Garden with my friends Kathy and Ryan*. We went in to see about the wait. Thirty-five minutes. OK, "The name is Haughtty. H-A-U-G-H-T-T-Y." Last time I gave that last name I hadn't thought through how to spell it and it became a bit absurb. Haughttie. Besides, keeping composure for that long is also difficult. It's odd that the hostess never thinks twice about it. It reminds me of my brother's wedding when my other brother and I got bored and began introducing ourselves as famous people. "Hi, I'm Gwen Stefani." "I'm Gavin Rossdale." How nice the people answered. Back to the original story... So we got one of those buzzer things about which I was disappointed because with a name like Haughtty you want them to call it out. At last we were summoned. Kathy holds up the buzzer, "We're buzzed." And we'd like more.
*In order to upold the integrity of this article, these are their real names. These two aren't innocent.

Balconies

I noticed that at BYU they put the humanities department in that one new building and if you go up there you can go out on a sort of balcony. They have things like this is China, one classmate of mine (who was Chinese, from China, therefore a reliable source) told me. I think people use these balconies to aid their suicides (although, it must be stated, that this is not why they have these balconies). At first I thought that it was good that the math or pre-med departments weren't there because people might be tempted to jump. But then I thought about the plight of those humanities majors. I mean, what do humanities majors become? Humans?

Best Musicals of All Time -- Off the Top of My Head

Wicked
Les Miserables
Hairspray
Seven Brides for Seven Brothers
Music Man
Sound of Music
Thoroughly Modern Millie
Annie

What would you add?

I'm the kind of kid who...

I had a professor teach me this idea. A kid and his mom are having a dinner of mixed potatoes and peas. The kid looks at his mom and says, "Hey, Mom, I'm the kind of kid who doesn't like his peas and potatoes mixed." The mom says, "Cool, then go grab yourself some separated peas and potatoes." The point of the story, my professor said, is that a kid so treated (within reason) will be able to respond better to peer pressure because he knows who he is. "Hey, you know, I'm the kind of kid who doesn't smoke pot."
In speaking with the Queen on this topic, we decided it was tops. One can better confront life when one knows oneself. Leopold Mozart told young Wolfgang that one should first know oneself and then know others. When I feel grounded, I can address life on my terms and live it my unique way. When I am not sure what my own ideals and values are, then I feel chaotic. And I'm not even talking about deep moral issues, but rather those beliefs and values which make me different from other people on the planet -- eg. not liking peas and potatoes to touch. It's the basic issue in Run-Away Bride.
We don't have to apologize for our quirks. It makes us cool and worthwhile. We can be "the kind of kid" that we choose without putting anyone else down, or even needing to be right. Because I enjoy musicals to no end, doesn't mean that those who don't get a kick out of synchronized singing and dancing are right, wrong, good, or bad. I sometimes have this thinking error that says, "Hey, if you are different from everyone else, don't mention it too much -- it might make them feel bad." Stupid! When you are "for" something it doesn't have to mean that you are "against" something else. As the Queen said, there are 31 flavors and all 31 make a Baskin Robbins.
I'm the kind of kid who stays up late watching youtube.
I'm the kind of kid who watches Disney Channel and really digs it.
I'm the kind of kid who thinks health care should be a basic human right.
I'm the kind of kid who thinks Macs are the way to go.
I'm the kind of kid who gets paper bags, not plastic if she needs a bag at all.
I'm the kind of kid who wants to be a movie star when she grows up.
I'm the kind of kid who thinks we should all be civil and pleasant to each other.
I'm the kind of kid who likes getting dressed-up for things.
I'm the kind of kid who likes nature in gardens -- arranged.
I'm the kind of kid who believes in shaving.
I'm the kind of kid who only buys clothes on sale.
I'm the kind of kid who is still trying to figure out what to do with her hair.

What kind of kid are you?

Hillary Clinton

So I love the Ellen show. She makes me laugh. I dig her mucho. Yesterday she had on Hillary Clinton. Now, I know that I am supposed to be Republican because in my family and in the state that's the norm. I'm not coming out and saying that I am a democrat, but I tend to like democratic candidates better. And a candidate is always more agreeable than whoever is in the White House somehow.
Anyway, so Hillary was on Ellen and I really liked her. She was really personable and real and funny. Ellen asked her about civil unions and gay marriages and I liked Hillary's answer. As far as eternal perspective goes (and that's pretty eternal) I think that homosexuality is not in line with God's plan for his children. I also believe in letting folks do what they feel is good for them (within reason and one could debate if homosexually hurts people ... but I would say that in the short term it's pretty tame). Hillary supports civil unions for the same reason I do -- money. If heterosexuals who live together (and are not married) get money and benefits when one dies, then I think homosexuals in similar circumstances should also get the money. And then Hillary said that gay marriages should be left up to the states. I had never thought about her logic but it really makes sense. The states determine everything else about marriages (age of marriage, etc.) so why not this? This way, we only have pockets of this throughout the country.
Then Ellen and Hillary took off to a diner. Hillary is affable and clever and expresses herself well. And Ellen is entertaining.
I have another friend who thinks that Hillary is the root of all evil. Don't really understand my friend's reasons because I don't think she ever gave me any. After watching this from Ellen, what do you think?

Got everything figured out?

So it was the first Sunday in my Single's Ward here. There was this man who was very self-assured and he spoke to me after I had made a comment in class. I had said that I was thankful for the prophet because I don't always know what is going on and it is nice to know that someone knows what's doing on. I can always trust the prophet and I don't have to sort out truth from error. I think he was trying to get a deep conversation going with me so he asked about it. He asked if I really didn't know how my life was going to turn out. I said no. I don't know. I asked him if he knew what his life was going to be like. He said he had everything planned out until he was 75. I wished him luck with that and somehow moved on. I thought about it for a little while and realized that it is way lame to know how everything is going to end up. Where is the fun in living predictably? It takes the wonder out of life. It also provides no room for faith. Why would I need God if I knew everything? And that's the purpose of life -- to come closer to God -- and if you don't ever interact with Him, you'll never become acquainted will Him. Also, it is extrememly unpractical. John Lennon said that life is what happens when you are busy making plans. This poor fool is going to get a very rude awakening one day when he learns that he is not as in control as he believes. Thoughts?