My Dad

On May 17th my dad died peacefully in his sleep. When I was in fifth grade he brought me a load of candy to my read-a-thon. I first saw the Little Mermaid and Evita and Sense and Sensibility with him (and also the Truth about Cats and Dogs, but I'm trying to forget that). He paid for the damage when I drove into my friends' garage door. I talked him into buying a ferret for himself, which I don't think he ever really liked. He took me on my first real trip to Disneyland. He told me I should be a librarian -- which made me laugh. He slipped me money every once in a while. He bought me a really ugly and expensive sweater. He rode the brake whenever he drove. He paid for college. He enjoyed shopping and paperwork.

I'm happy for him because now he isn't sick anymore. He can be who he always wanted to be, without the barriers of his body. I'm really going to miss him.

Trip to Europe

A few weeks ago I returned from my much-anticipated holiday to Germany, Austria, and France. 

We began in my mission stomping grounds in Frankfurt. We met up with Anni and Hannu (left), wonderful friends who happened to be in town from Finland, to tour Palmengarten and hang out at 

Römer.We shopped on Frankfurt's Ziel (right) and traipsed around Mainz and Mainz-Kastel, where I spent the first three months of my mission. 

Next we journeyed to Würzburg taking in the fortress and local Residenz (below). We loved the hotel there, Abs in Postkurcherl, 

and would recommend it to everyone. We stayed just one night in Middle-of-Nowhere, Germany -- aka Oberammergau  --  a couple hours outside of Munich. When the black plague stopped just short of Oberammergau the citizens, in gratitude to God, staged a 5-hour (yes, 5 hours! with a dinner break) passion play. It is now performed every ten years -next in 2010. In the meantime the city houses numerous tourists and woodcarvers. 

We wandered around and also toured Schloss Lindorf (right)-- a sister palace to Neuschwanstein, aka Sleeping Beauty's castle. That night I became addicted to Germany's version of Top Model a la Heidi Klum. 

We traveled then to the most musical city of all, Salzburg in Austria, meeting up with Hannah. First item of business -- Sound of Music Tour (below at Mirabell palace, where some of the Do-Re-Mi shots were filmed). 

We also toured the famous Fortress, the Mozart cites, the beautiful old city, Schloss Hellbrunn with it's trick fountains, and even happened upon an international music festival. 

After an overnight train with two interesting bedfellows we made it to Paris. In a whirlwind tour, we saw all the major sites -- Eiffel Tower, Notre Dame, the river Seine, Montmantre, the Louvre, and the inside of the d'Orsay museum.

I love the greeness of the area, the mustard fields, the gaudy beauty of the castles, the escape from "real" life, all of it made for a great trip.  

Anecdotes

The kid was a perpetual liar. Everything he said was unbelievable. But he just would not confess that none of it was true -- perhaps because he actually did believe the stories. He was from LA and talked about wrestling alligators. When boasting of his awesome Mexican cooking skills, I asked him if he could make Swedish meatballs. "Of course," he said and I wondered if he had heard me say "Swedish." He told us about how he got ran over by a car -- sometime in between the story about working construction and being manager at a hotel -- and I just couldn't take it any more. "I got ran over too... by a jumbo jet... it was the Concord at LaGuardia airport! After which I jumped on a train trestle and was subsequently run over." "But you're not dead," another kid --who just didn't get it -- piped up. "I know," I said with false sincerity, "That's the miracle of it." The kids just laughed as if I had made a joke we all understood. No, I was mocking the liar.

I hadn't read As You Like It but I was very excited to be seeing it at our local theatre. A little nervous too. It is Shakespeare after all, and I tend to understand it not based on the dialogue but rather on the action, as if watching a cartoon in Urdu. We stood in line to get our will-call tickets and there he was. He wore khaki pants, a blue sweater, and a baseball cap. Not as tall as I had imagined. Holy Hannah Montana, it was Edward Herrmann, aka Richard Gilmore. I had to move so I could respectfully "freak out" away from his celebrity glare. I watched him throughout the evening and contemplated and chickened out several times about approaching him. He was there alone but must have known someone in the cast because he was pulled into the action with Audrey (a character) doing a very silly dance that he seemed to already know. Frankly I was surprised his body was so agile -- he isn't a young buck, you know. The baseball cap was an odd accessory to the outfit so I can only guess he did not really want attention. The man must be recognized everywhere -- if not by Gilmore fans then by fans of something he's done in his nearly 40 years of acting. I did not approach. But I do have a good story. 

Seen

Odd things seen in a hours drive from Provo to American Fork:

1. The Easter Bunny. A rather large, presumably faux fur Easter Bunny was jumping around outside of a boutique on University Ave. A small child hopped furiously with the Bunny. 

2. My father. I turned down a small side street and realized it was a wrong turn, but my dad was two cars in front of me. We pulled over, said hi, and went on our way.

3. On the side of a truck: "Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee." Brain explosion. That is in no way not difficult grammar. Gotta sit down and ponder on this on. 

Krank

I've been sick this weekend. I guess that whatever the boys have I can know that I'll eventually get it. Being sick is the pits in general. Pain is the pits in general. However there can be some perks to illness. Namely, Friday night I was allowed to spend nearly 8 hours doing nothing but watching Goal (hot, hot, hot) and TV. Saturday I attempted to rest but decided to take in a play and basketball game, both of which were enjoyable (well, all four acts of The Importance of Being Earnest was a bit long) and tiring. Yet the music at the game was so inspiring that I can home and watched the first half of Step Up 2. If only I could dance like that. *Sigh* Well, maybe after the resurrection. So Sunday I also vegged out to the Princess Diaries 2. My room is a mess and I've done nothing of real value. And there is no guilt. That is the ultimate perk -- guilt free gluttony and laziness. 

Abundant Life

I've been able to have some fantastic experiences in the past couple weeks. Sometimes I get into his mode were I mourn that I wasn't more rebellious as a teen (odd, I know) but when I look at photos of my very abundant life, Friday night movies at 15, 16, and 17 don't actually seem that awful. I'm still exciting and interesting.

First was my nephew Isaac's baptism in Idaho. I drove up with my sister and stayed two nights. I really enjoyed chillaxing with my too-much-fun family.

My dear friend Vali and I went out to dinner. I knew her when I lived in Germany (when she was just 15! Five years ago!) but she's living this year in New York as an au pair. The family was in SLC to ski. We stayed out way too long for a Wednesday, but she's one of those people with whom you can just keep talking and talking. And she was nice enough to listen to my disintegrating German the whole night although her English is beyond perfect.

My homegirls and I took a trip to St. George. We stayed with K-dawg, our newest awesome friend. The weather was warmish. We hiked through beautiful red rocks, ate at In-n-Out (Utah's only), sang karaoke at a Hawaiin BBQ spot, and bowled in Mesquite. Homegirls is chill, as in: tons of fun and no drama.

I went camping with my boys at Heber Valley camp. I don't think anyone realized it was an LDS campground -- that the lady showing us around was Sister Lockhart, that we stayed in campground Lucy Mack Smith, and that a sign going out of the campground said "Stand for Truth and Righteousness." We cross-country skied (a first for me) and snowshoed, like, up the side of a mountain. The boys are so much fun when they are being obedient and normal. Rarities, indeed.

I became vegetarian for Lent. I know I'm not Catholic but it's a fun thing to try.

I booked a flight to Germany! I'm going in May with my mom. We'll hit Frankfurt and Berlin in Germany to visit sites and friends, then down to Salzburg. I love Salzburg. We'll hit some Mozart sites, and the Sound of Music Tour (can't miss it!), all in company of the incomparable Hannah, my girl from the mish. Then well head to the city I've been trying to get to for years -- Paris holds the key to my heart! I can't want to visit the d'Orsay.

Abundant indeed.

One step ahead

The longer I'm a therapist the more I realize that I am just one step ahead of my clients. The margin is scarily narrow. It's like God sends me the information I'm gonna need just the day before I need it.  And I find myself working in themes like: positive outlook, mourning, creating an identity. And I stick with them for, like, a whole week. 

And sometimes the angel that is supposed to send the message gets swamped and I'm not ahead of my clients at all. Case in point, I told one of my clients that if he was going to throw a fit he should get down on the ground. He then pointed out that when I got a little upset in group therapy, I did not throw my tantrum on the ground. And he was right. I threw my tantrum standing up. Client 1: Megan 0. 

And with all of my insecurities and the sure knowledge that I am winging most of what I do, I have moments where my clients let me know I haven't completely messed them up. Today a mom whose son is discharged wrote to me about the struggles of having her son home. At the end of her email she just wrote, We miss you. *Wipe the tear.* 

We are all doing the best we can. And we're all still just working at it. We're just people.

We should only judge those stupid enough to end up on TV. ;)

Valentine's Day 2009

Valentine's Day is my favorite holiday, in case you didn't know. My supervisor said it was a financial ploy made up by the card and candy companies to make money. Poppycock. From what I read it has to do with Christian martyrs named Valentine and gets associated with love by none other that Chaucer -- long before greeting Hallmark or conversation hearts were invented...

I really wanted to celebrate so I had three parties. On Friday we got the girls in our ward together to eat food and tell bad date stories -- the equals of which I have not heard. Our merriment was interrupted by the announcement that some of our cars had been defiled by Saran wrap and toilet paper. The perps are still at large and considered to be stinky and have stale food. 

On Saturday afternoon I hosted a fancy-schmancy Tea Party. We drank tea, had little sandwiches, scones, and chocolate covered strawberries.

That evening I went to SLC with Kate, Rhiannon, and Julia for a night of fun and adventure. We ate at The Dodo. Can you say yummy? We told secrets, laughed, and really, really enjoyed the eats. We stayed at the Little America where we fully embraced the hot tub, tried to embrace the indoor/outdoor pool, and wanted to marry the sauna. We stayed up late for a flick and fell into the deep sleep of the worn-out. In the morning we took in Music and the Spoken Word and sauntered back to reality. 
I felt the love!

Pleasure in the Written Word

I should be reading all about DBT in preparation for a group I'm in. I have a lot of motivation to do this because my supervisor, on a number of occasions, has said, "That Marsha Linehan could have used a good editor. The first two chapters are really wordy." So you can understand haste I feel to read it.

So instead I realized I have time to read something I am interested in -- Girls in Pants, the Third Summer of the Sisterhood by Ann Brashares. I love the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants series! This is where Kate roles her eyes and also tells me I can also watch Step Up 2 alone. 

The books are well written as far as those types of books are. By those types I mean books that have no other agenda other than pleasure. 

I love my Great Gatsby and A Tree Grows in Brooklyn and A Separate Peace -- but those books are thinkers; you are supposed to be edified or learn something or something like that. The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, less so. No English teachers will feature these books but I think they are completely enjoyable.

Other enjoyable books are as follows:

Are You There God It's Me Margaret by Judy Blume. While entertaining, I must own that it changed my life.

Fifteen and the Luckiest Girl by Beverly Cleary. I've read these over and over.

The Harry Potter series by JK Rowling. Although it was magical (no pun intended) and emotional.

Catherine Called Birdie by Karen Cushman.

All-of-a-Kind Family series by Sydney Taylor . Never wanted to be Jewish more in my life.

What are you "pure entertainment" picks?

I want that too

Not sure what brought on this post. Just a random thought, not to be taken too too seriously.

Telling a single person, such as myself, to get with the program and fall in love is like unto:

Telling an infertile couple to try harder

Telling a starving child to go get a sandwich

Telling a teacher to make a million

Telling William Hung to win American Idol

All of us want what our advice givers want. We're doing all we can. But it's just not like grocery shopping. Some things are out of our control when it comes right down to it. I wish the focus would change from convincing people they should do what they already want to do and just focus on things that are in our control and are going well. I'm dealing with it in my way. Please do your best, dear friends, to not point out how out of control it is by asking me to control the impossible-to-control. 

Some unhelpful, well-intentioned things:

"I don't understand why you aren't married" (yeah, me neither)

Depending on who it's coming from - "I have someone to set you up with" (says to me, "You must be doing something wrong so I'll fix it)

"You need to get with the program" (is that what I'm supposed to be doing? never occurred to me)

"I just wish you could get married" (yeah, me too -- what are you expecting me to say?)

Some helpful, well-intentioned things:

"You look hot"

"What's up?"

"Did you see The Office?" (no seriously, it was hilarious)

"I love you"

I don't want this to be a wo-is-me post, because that is not how I approach life -- see below. This is just a random post about a fact that's kind of a big deal to me. Like, I'm doing and thinking about other stuff, but, yeah, I'd really like to be in love and even married. And I'm not weird for wanting that because I was built that way. But, like I said, I'm not, like, sitting around waiting for Prince Charming (because, with a name like that, he's probably gay) so don't get the wrong idea about this post. 

I'm going to go to bed now. If nothing else, we all can sleep -- medically induced or otherwise. :)