I was sitting in supervision. That's a once a week occurrence with my supervisor which amounts to therapy. I was telling him that I wanted to put one of my kids on a special program to help him stop biting the skin around his nails, an unhealthy coping skill for an extremely anxious kid . Long story short, it's not bothering the kid; it's just bothering me. I left supervision feeling anxious. And then I was anxious all week long. I'm still feeling anxious. It's like my supervisor brought something to the surface, something that was doing very well buried deep, deep in my soul.
Truth?
Truth is I don't know if I am doing a very good job. I don't think I've hurt anyone. But I take it personally when a kid doesn't improve. I'm not confident enough about my own abilities to blame a lack of progress on the kid. So my kid's biting issue had less to do with him and more to do with me. I see it as a lack of progress; he's still anxious, and that means I'm not a very good therapist. Logically, I see the thinking error; in my heart -- or rather in my stomach -- I don't. I still get uptight when my kids don't improve.
What crazy beliefs do you have about other people that have nothing to do with them?
3 comments:
That anyone I love, particularly the one's I really love will somehow ditch me- you know, hit by a train, disappear in the Alaskan wilderness, eaten by a bear... rational issues like that.
I pretty much always assume that most people hate me unless they explicitly demonstrate otherwise. It's not that I think they should hate me, I just assume that they do. And that they're wrong. Fortunately for me, I have friends who constantly express love for me, so what could be a pretty horrible issue ends up being a very minor disability.
Oh - I also always assume that any time any authority figure wants to talk to me, it's because I've done something to make them mad. I think this is part of the same issue. The other day, my supervisor wanted to meet with me and I thought she was going to fire me, but she actually just wanted to tell me about my Christmas bonus. It was a pleasant surprise.
PS- I love the pink blog. I may need to redecorate at my place!
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