Two Ways to Meet Life

We want validation for our existence. I think this is an essential human need. It is existentialism's base concept: the meaning, not just of life, but of my life. Erick Erickson (unfortunate name) said of the senior citizen's of the world, that they look back on life to see if they have made a difference, to know that their lives were worth something, resulting in "integrity," or the acceptance of one's life, or despair. Maslow called it self-acutalization. Freud called it the ego, which (despite misguided ideas that ego is bad) means knowing that you are worthy, good, and able while simultaneously flawed. When one has ego -- the more the better -- one feels worthy to be alive and in control of that life.
Alfred Adler pioneered the famous "inferiority complex." More notable than that, in my opinion, is his "Style of Life" idea. He suggested that we all begin by feeling inferior and that our "style of life" is our mode from moving to some level of superiority -- or self-actualization or ego or integrity or being ok with me or validating my existence. Did you get that? Life is about this journey to superiority, or finding out that one's existence somehow mattered. The answer to obtaining superiority lies in the "style of life." A "mistaken style of life" is a life of self-centeredness and the search for power leading to emptiness and never fulfillment. A "healthy style of life" is optimistic and receives self-worth in helping others.
Perhaps, then, the greatest fear humans have is to one day find out that they are obsolete. We all ask ourselves the question posed in Les Miserables: "Will the world remember you when you fall/ Could it be your life means nothing at all/ Is your life just one more lie?"
So we fight all the day long to prove that we are needed on the planet, that we have meaning in existence. Quite often we gain this knowledge through a "healthy style of life." We listened to a friend, we donated to a good cause, we let someone into our lane, we did what we said we'd do, we let someone see who we really are, we kept promises to ourselves, we sacrificed, we loved. Isn't it interesting how this validation to existence depends in unequal measure on how we treat others and how consistently we live our own values? But this is the riskiest way to validate existence because it relies so much on the actions and reactions of others. And it's a lot harder to do. It does not come naturally but through concerted effort.
But we also sometimes lead a "mistaken style of life." We didn't hold the elevator, we continued to ignore that friend outside the group, we laughed inside ourselves when someone got what he deserved, we told that story which made another friend look stupid, we complained, we let someone else do the dishes, we lied, we didn't trust or confide. It was all our act of self-preservation. We thought that somehow we'd just die if we didn't do what we did. We were too scared to take the risk. Why? We didn't quite know. We thought of ourselves before anyone else. And how do we feel now? Empty, unfulfilled.
It's such a paradox. We want to see ourselves as important and then we do that which results in the exact opposite. We are too afraid to do that which does bring self-respect, self-worth, self-preservation. I'll end with the following thought, badly quoted, from someone much wiser than myself.
"There are two ways to meet life. You can be indifferent and you will be safe, but bored. Or you can care, and care greatly, until life breaks you on it's wheel. "