I felt a little "blah" this week. You know blah. Nothing was wrong but I was in a funk. Blah and funk are technical terms used by great literary giants, probably Russians and that's why I can't write their names.
I don't know what I am doing. From ages 5 to 18, life was prescribed. Go to school. After that, go to college. Go on a mission. I remember having the distinct and very real fear that I was going to die in some freak accident after I returned from my mission. Why? Because I didn't see my life going past living 18 months in Germany. Since I didn't die, I went to grad school. And now I've finished that. And I don't know what I am doing now. The problem is options. I have about a million options. I have no parameters, except the ones in my mind.
What do I really want to be doing? If I had no fear and a lot of cash I would move abroad, like to some small French village that is still near Paris so I can visit often, and I would visit things and use the train and read. What would I read? I would read classics like, classics that I can't think of right now, and I would find a professor friend to discuss it with. And I would buy clothes that look good and just fit right. Not that I don't look good but some days I leave my home and think, "Heaven help me if Stacey and Clinton see this!" I would eat fruits and great breads and enjoy cafes, outdoor cafes. And I would sit next to some river and watch the boats. It'd look like Mainz, which I realize is in Germany, but I would look over the river and see the city which has a skyline of churches and feels protective when the sun sets. I'd really get into the arts and I'd understand life and I'd read Carl Jung's biography although I have a feeling I wouldn't really like it. And I would rediscover the spiritual side of me and I would care about nature and feel close to God when I am on a walk. I've rarely been able to make that connection but I think a lot of other people can. And I'd write something worth reading. Whatever happened to the great ex-pat stories and movies. Am I the only one who senses a decrease in movies about Americans abroad like Casablanca, Roman Holiday (I guess Audrey's character wasn't really American so think about the part in Sabrina where she goes to France), The Reluctant Debutante, or to Catch a Thief?
So I'm in a funk, feeling blah, and realizing I need revamping. Better move.
4 comments:
Yes, yes! Move to Seattle! It's not Paris, but you and me could get an apartment together in the International District, which is almost as good!
I love that picture! That was a fun day.
The Bourne movies are sort of about Americans living abroad - but they lack the kind of romance you'll find in any movie with Humphrey Boggart, Audrey Hepburn, or Cary Grant.
I have become addicted to "causes" - and I start learning about something (Darfur, the environment, a charity I like, whatever) and read books and books about it, scour websites for information, and it helps.
You, Me, France - next summer... what do you say
Post a Comment