Guest Post: Good in Bed

My dear friend was unable to post this on her blog since the stylist involved reads it. But the story must be told. And here it is.

My last hair appointment ended up being a little more educational than I thought it would be. I was sitting in the chair, making casual conversation with my hair dresser, when she suddenly paused and said, a little solemnly, "I need to tell you something before you get married."

This was a surprising announcement, since I'm not dating anyone and, while I like my hair dresser and have been going to her for a couple of years, we're not exactly on "share deep words of wisdom" terms. But, taking this to be an indication that I should remind her at some future date that she wanted to share something with me, I said okay and prepared to let the conversation drop.

Little did I know that the conversation was not to end there. After a few minutes of indecision, she girded up her mental loins and said, "No, I can't wait. I have to tell you now." I put on my politely serious face that I reserve for unsolicited advice. In my case, this usually takes the form of tips on how to attract men. The ensuing lecture, to which I listened with growing amazement and little personal contribution, went something like this:

HER: Before I got married, I slept with a lot of different men.

(Whoa! Totally didn't see that one coming!)

HER: And I learned something really important. I learned that the most good-looking guys are not necessarily the best in bed.

(I cannot adequately type the number of exclamation points this statement incited in my mind!)

HER: I slept with a really good-looking guy and, you know what? He wasn't really all that good in bed. But one of the best guys I slept with was not all that attractive at all. Do you know why that was? (I shook my head gingerly in response. She had a razor and a pair of scissors to my head - I was a captive audience.) It was because he was really, really good to me. I'm fortunate that now I'm married to a guy who I find attractive and who is good in bed, too.

(Wait a minute, wasn't she telling me a few months ago that her husband was excessively hairy and that she preferred him to leave his shirt on so she didn't have to look at it?)

HER: But just know, when you get married, that the cutest guys are not always the best in bed.

Fortunately about that time other customers came into the salon and the conversation became so deeply coded (she didn't want to share her acquired wisdom with everyone) that it quickly lost its impact and turned to more general matters. But not before I was well-educated in what to look for in my future relationships.

Oh, you might ask, how on earth did this topic even come up? I mentioned, in passing, that a friend had loaned me Thor to watch before I go to see The Avengers. Apparently my hair dresser does not feel that the lead in Thor is as good-looking as everyone else seems to think him and is probably, as a result of his own opinion of his sex appeal, not very adroit in his bedroom talents. Go figure...